The Silver Lining

 

(2^nd Draft)

 

by Mel-o-rama

 

Chapter 1

 

“O My Father”

 

You are such a beautiful girl.

Thomas watched his daughter, Angela, playing on the swing set. Only three years old, and already she could swing by herself. That's what she learned that day. Back and forth, she was kicking her legs, making herself go higher, bit by bit. Gleefully she laughed. "You don't have to push me anymore."

She's growing up so fast. I'm so lucky to have such a girl.

She stopped kicking and said, "How do I stop? Get me off!"

"You can do it. Just wait and you'll slow down."

Angela waited until she was slow enough, then she jumped off and ran to her father. "Did you see me?"

Thomas picked up the little girl with blond pigtails and twirled her around. "Of course I saw you," he said.

"I can swing!" she said joyfully.

"You'll have to show Mommy when she gets home. She'll be so proud."

Angela gave him a kiss and said, "I love you, Daddy."

Thomas smiled. Who could ask for anything more? Oh, how I wish this moment could last forever!

Suddenly, Angela giggled and ran as fast as she could across the yard, which wasn't really fast.

"Oh no!" said Thomas. "You can't get away from me! I'm going to tickle you!"

She screamed in mock terror.

What a beautiful girl. Where has all the time gone? It was only yesterday when she was one, eating her first birthday cake.

 

His mother was visiting from out of town, and she was videotaping the event. Carolyn came out with a chocolate cake holding a giant rainbow-dotted "1" candle. It was lit and she sang, "Happy Birthday to you..."

Everyone joined in. Angela was in her highchair, throwing her hands up and down in excitement. She was too young to talk, but she made oohs and aahs of joy.

At the end of the song, Carolyn put the cake on the table in front of the baby and said, "Okay, Angela! Blow out the candles!"

In all the excitement, Angela threw her hands up and down even more.

Carolyn got behind the baby and helped her to blow out the candle. "Yeah! You did it! Look at the camera! There's Grandma! Say hi to Grandma!"

A beautiful wife. And we've made such a beautiful baby.

Carolyn cut a piece of cake and put it on Angela's tray. "Eat it."

Angela smashed both hands into the cake, spreading it across her plate. Everyone laughed in delight. She looked as if she had done something wrong for a moment, but when she put her hands into her mouth and tasted the cake, her face lit up and she laughed a cute little baby laugh.

The family further encouraged her as she spread the cake all over her tray, all over her face, and all throughout her hair.

Thomas said, "What a mess!"

He then paused to watch his wife.

She is so beautiful. She's having so much fun. She's such a great mother, and I love her so much. I'd do anything for her.

Anything.

 

"Tom," she said from across the table. "Do you have any idea what my family says about you when you're not around?"

Oh! Why does she have to be like this? This is the hardest day of my life.

"I know what they think of me," he answered as he angrily put down his fork. "They think I'm stupid and brainwashed. Well, I'll have you know that my family thinks I'm alright."

"Yeah, but they're just like you. You're all Mormons! Of course they'd think you're alright!"

Thomas, feeling hurt said, "So you think we're all crazy? We're all in it together? Is that how this works? Surely you don't believe everything your parents tell you! Really, what is so bad about us Mormons?"

"It's a cult. They make you do weird things." Carolyn counted angrily on her fingers. "You follow that Hinckley guy religiously and you do whatever he says. You go to your temple for secret meetings. You wasted two years of your life on that mission trip. You stock up your stupid food storage in our garage. Do you really think some disaster is going to happen? Every night, you read that book Joseph Smith wrote as if it were scripture. And you waste our money paying those stupid tithes. You ..."

Thomas interrupted. "I only pay tithes on the money I make. I don't force you to pay on the money you make."

"What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine. For better or for worse, that money is ours, and I don't want you wasting it on a sham! Can't you see that it's all one elaborate hoax? All they want is your money. If you give it to them, they can build more churches, send out more missionaries, and convert more people so they can get more money. Why do you think they ask for a full tenth? Do you realize how much that is? We're struggling, and we can't afford to throw away our money like that!"

"But your church requires tithes, too. What's the difference? If that's how you feel about my church, how can you think that you're not throwing away our money to your church?"

Carolyn rolled her eyes. "My church doesn't ask for a full tenth. They only ask for what you can give. Some can give more than others. I put in a little bit in the collection plate every week. It's enough. Besides, what would a church do with that kind of money?"

Thomas paused to look at the food on his plate. It was an inexpensive cut of meat with potatoes. Half eaten, Thomas didn't feel like finishing. She's right, you know. We are struggling. We really could use that money for something else. He pushed the plate away. "You know, I've had a hard day at work. All I wanted to do was to come home and relax, eat my dinner, watch TV, unwind, and just go to bed. The last thing I wanted was to get into another one of these stupid arguments, especially during dinner!"

Carolyn also pushed her plate away. "I've also had a hard day. I had to fight the rush hour traffic to get home in time to fix your dinner. You know how hard it is for me to go through our mail and newspapers to find the best coupons. Then I have to drive around to get the best deals, just to be able to stick within our budget. On top of that, you want to build up your food storage! Don't you realize your tithes and your food storage are placing us under a great burden?

"Can't you see what they're doing to you? You don't know how many times I've prayed for you to see what I see! If only you could see yourself, you would know you're being deceived. You don't know how hard it is for me to put up with this – how long I've been waiting for you to come around. Well, I'm tired of it!"

Thomas answered, "Now, that's not fair! You know how much my religion means to me! You knew that before we even got married! You knew I was a Mormon. Why do you keep asking me to stop living by its principles? Did you really think you would convert me after we got married?

"I know life is hard for us. Everyone has it hard as they begin their careers. Even if I stopped paying tithes, we'd still be struggling. You know that!

"Have you forgotten? Before we got married, we agreed that we would respect each other's religion. My religion says I must pay ten percent, and that's what I do. Why can't you respect that?"

Carolyn got up and paced. "You don't understand! I know we're barely surviving. But what would we do if something happened to us? We wouldn't have any money. What if we had a child? How could we pay for him?"

"We'd find a way."

"Tom! I would have to give up my job! If you keep paying your tithes, how would we survive?"

"We would have faith that something would work out. God would watch over us."

"Oh!" Carolyn was frustrated. "I can't rely on that! Besides, how would we raise the child? He's not going to be a Mormon!"

"Do you think I would want him to be a Presbyterian?"

"See?" said Carolyn. "Is the child going to go to both churches or none? He's going to be so confused. He can't possibly believe in two conflicting doctrines!"

"He'd choose for himself when he's old enough," answered Thomas.

"He'll choose neither! He'll go atheist on us! That's what always happens." She was in tears. "All I want is to go to the same church. It's so nice when you're there sitting next to me. When we have kids, I want us to sit in the same pew, just like on Little House on the Prairie. Is that too much to ask?"

Thomas was also frustrated. "Well, no, but why does it have to be your church? If you come to mine, we can have all that! We'd still be one happy family in one big pew. But you won't come with me! I've gone several times to your church! How do you know you wouldn't be happy in mine? Can't you come even just once to see what you're missing?"

"I don't need to go to your church! It's a cult! Everyone knows it! I don't want to be brainwashed like you!"

"Why are we even having this conversation!?" In anger, he arose quickly and accidentally knocked over his drink. Instinctively, Carolyn grabbed some paper towels and threw them on the liquid before it got over everything. Tom ignored this as he continued on, "I'm tired of the same arguments over and over again! We never get anywhere, and we never will. I'm tired; you're tired. Why don't we talk about this later when we're more refreshed? It's 7:30, so I'm going in the living room. I'm going to turn on the TV, and then I'm going to watch The Wheel of Fortune and relax! You can do whatever you want!"

Carolyn continued cleaning up the mess as her husband went into the living room. He turned on the TV, which was already tuned to The Wheel of Fortune. Someone spun the wheel, and as it beeped slower, Tom could hear his wife crying in the kitchen. He also felt a headache coming on.

Who does she think she is? She said she would respect my religion. I respect hers. She won't even go to my church and she expects me to give it up? Does she think she can convert me? If anything, she should convert. If only she would look into it, she would realize we have all the truth. To go to her church would be like forsaking those truths I've known all my life. I can't do that!

Tom turned up the volume so he couldn't hear his wife. She was saying something but he couldn't make it out. She'll learn the hard way she can't convert me!

As he tried to solve the puzzle on TV, Carolyn came into the room. "I'm not done yet," she insisted. Tom increased the volume even more. Carolyn marched up to the TV and turned it off. "We need to talk," she said.

Tom answered, "I've already heard what you have to say. We can talk about this later when we're not so angry!" With the remote, he turned the TV back on.

With determination, Carolyn grabbed the remote from Tom's hand, turned off the TV and threw it against the wall so hard that it broke in two pieces. "Will you listen to me now?" she screamed.

Okay, I guess we'll have to do this now! "I hear you!" he yelled in return. "But you don't hear me! Why can't you try and see my side? It's you who's brainwashed! You're the one who's closed-minded and unable to consider alternate options! Can you use even the smallest amount of scientific thought to find truth? Have you taken a good look at the Mormons? If so, you'd see that we're not all that bad. We're a valid religion. We live normal lives. We live healthier, longer, and happier lives than most people, because we don't drink, smoke, or get involved in any anti-societal activities. Utah is full of Mormons, and they have governors, senators, and other officials that participate in government just like any other group of people. Can a bad tree bear forth good fruit?

"Besides, we're not much different than you Presbyterians! You know I believe in Jesus Christ. You know I believe he died for our sins. That's what you believe. That's what makes you Christian, and that's what makes me Christian. That's how we can coexist!

"You also can't expect me to give up my heritage! My whole family is Mormon four generations back. I've been surrounded by Mormons all my life - at college, at home, and even in Korea. Do you really expect me to give all that up? Why do you keep bringing this up?"

Carolyn was taken aback. She looked as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out how to say it. That's right! You've got nothing to say! You know I'm right! Whatever you want to say, you should keep it to yourself, because I'm ready. I have answers for anything you can dish out! You might as well just leave me in peace.

"Um," she said, unsure of herself. Here it comes. Will there ever be an end to this?

"I went to the doctor today," she said slowly and softly. "That's why I was a little late coming home. He says I'm pregnant. We're going to have a baby."

Tom stared in stunned silence from his lounging chair. What does that mean? What do I say? Is she serious?

Carolyn stared back at Tom, awaiting a reaction. Finally she gave up and said, "This isn't going to work, is it?" She stormed out of the room up to their bedroom. The door shut behind her and she locked it. Then he heard crying again. This time it was a desperate cry from a woman who had lost all hope, and didn't know what more to do.

What won't work? What did she mean by that? Tom stared at the silent and dark TV. He looked at the remote, broken in two. He felt awful. She was trying to tell me the whole time. Silly girl! Why didn't she tell me up front? Why did she get so serious about the religion thing?

She's not going to forget this. She's not going to be all happy tomorrow, ready to celebrate the baby with me.

I guess this is it. And to think we couldn't last a few years! It was fun while it lasted. But still, I thought we could do this! I loved her so much and I knew I would do anything for her!

But what can I do, now? She hates my religion and she'll be distressed as long as I stick with it. There's no way out!

Tom said a quick prayer in his heart. God, what can I do? How can I convince her? He paused for an answer from God, but none came. What can I say to let her know everything will be okay? After awhile, there was still no answer.

He thought about how much he loved her. She used to love me. We were so happy. Once, our love was more important than religion. God, can you hear me? What can I do? Am I going to lose her?

"Yes."

The answer was clear and unmistakable. It was enough to bring him to tears. He suddenly realized if he did nothing, she would leave. I can't live without her. She's so beautiful. Can't I do anything to keep her? Just tell me, and I'll do it. I'll do anything. Anything! Just tell me what to do.

"Go to her."

Tom considered this still small voice. Go to her? And continue the argument? I don't see what good that would do. What should I say?

"Go with her."

These words sent chills through him, though he couldn't understand why.

Go with her? What does that mean? Tom thought about being with Carolyn. He saw himself going to church with her. He saw a family sitting together in one pew, and he saw an end to all arguments. They were happy, and most importantly, they were together. But it wasn't in a Mormon church.

Am I to give up my church? Is that what you want me to do? How can I leave the one true church? It is true, isn't it?

"Go with her, now."

Tom's heart sank. He thought about everything he would be giving up – forsaking everything he learned throughout his life. He would be confining himself to a lesser church. If it's the only way to keep Carolyn, that's what I have to do.

With that decision, everything became clear. He knew exactly what he had to do. He would make the sacrifice to save his family. He got up from his chair; he grabbed a key, and ran up the steps.

Inside their bedroom, Carolyn was quietly sobbing. Tom opened the door and saw her kneeling beside the bed with her head in her pillow. He got behind her and put an arm around her, saying, "Carolyn." She instinctively pulled herself away, yet kept her head in the pillow.

Tom tried again without touching her. "Carolyn. You're right. I'm going to do it."

Carolyn lifted her head and asked, "Do what?" Her face was covered in salty tears.

"I'm going to give up my church," he said softly.

"What?" She didn't seem to believe him.

"I'm going to call the bishop up tomorrow and ask him to remove my name from the church records. I'm going to stop paying tithes, and I'll stop collecting food storage."

Carolyn's unbelieving stare didn't change.

Thomas continued, "In fact, we can have a going away party for all our food storage over the next couple of months. We can eat it all up. In the meantime, we won't have to pay so much for groceries and we can save up for the baby."

After a pause for wiping away her tears, she finally managed to say, "But I hate your food storage. It tastes terrible!"

Tom laughed and said, "Well, we don't really have to eat it. I can give it to my old Mormons friends. Heck, I can even sell it to them."

"Wait a minute! Does this mean you won't go to church at all?"

"At least I won't be going to the Mormon church," Tom tried to say happily. "Hey, did I ever tell you how much I liked your pastor? I can tell he's a good man, and he does teach truth. I think that he and his teachings will meet the needs of our family."

"So, you'll go to church with me?" she asked as her face brightened up.

"This very Sunday! In fact, I think I'll ask your pastor how I can join your church."

Carolyn asked, "You'll really do this for me?"

Thomas realized that his words were a death knell to the religion he once belonged to. Once he said them, there would be no turning back. Hopefully, the sacrifice would be worth it. "I'd do anything for you."

She answered, "Oh, I'm so happy!" She hugged him as she cried tears of joy.

Tom asked, "Do you think we're going to have a boy?"

"You are so silly. I love you so much," and then she kissed him.

 

It was a long kiss – partly for show. After all, it was the first time they had kissed in public. It wasn't their first, but their families didn't need to know. She was wearing white and that was good enough for everyone.

The crowd cheered and stood as the organ played Mendelssohn's March. Tom looked down at Carolyn's hand in his own. He saw how beautiful her ring shone on her slender finger. We finally did it. Nothing can take her away from me now. The newlywed couple turned. Tom caught his mother's eye. She was happily crying.

The sun shone through the stained glass window as time froze. There were so many happy people, dressed so neatly and clean. Thomas thought he could almost see the angels, themselves, rejoicing in the heavens.

He turned to his new wife. She was a beautiful angel he had never seen before, and she was so happy. Is this what life is going to be like from now on?

The couple walked down the isle. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. This is when I leave. Our parents are behind us. Now it is just Carolyn and I. We are now one, and we will be together forever.

As they walked, Tom hardly noticed the friends and relatives he was waving to. Except, toward the back, one face caught his attention. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Nephi!" he yelled. "You made it!"

This Nephi nodded his head in humble acknowledgement. His eyes said, "I wouldn't miss this for the world."

 

"So how is New York treating you?" asked Tom.

Nephi answered, "Couldn't be better. Marsh really knows how to treat their employees."

"Is being an actuary everything you ever imagined?"

"You know it," said Nephi. "I can't believe how much they pay just for me to play with numbers all day. And if I make a mistake - who cares? All I have to do is remind them I'm an actuary. All I do is make estimates! So, how are you doing with IBM?"

Tom laughed. Nephi had all the luck. Both of them worked for big name companies, but Nephi got paid more, and he always liked to rub it in. He was always good with numbers and puzzles. He claimed that got him ahead in life. Whatever it was, everything always worked out for him. Well, almost everything.

Tom replied, "You know - the same old, same old. Not much happens in word processing. You should see the killer technical manuals I can kick out, and hardly anyone can match my typing speed. You got you a girl yet?"

It was Nephi's turn to laugh. He was never good with the girls. "I don't have time for women, and they don't like me. Maybe it's my name. No one seems able to pronounce it correctly! Besides, there aren't many good looking Mormon girls up here in the city."

"I know what you mean. There aren't that many here in Atlanta either. Most of them are already taken," Tom said.

"We should have gotten married while we were still at college."

"You're telling me," said Tom. Hearing a beep, he said, "Oh, I got a call coming in. It's her! Speak of the devil! Oh well. I can call her back."

"Are you still seeing that Carol girl?" asked Nephi.

"It's Carolyn, and yes, I think we're getting pretty serious."

There was a pause. Tom knew what Nephi was thinking. "She's not a Mormon, is she? Isn't she a Presbyterian?"

"Yeah," said Tom. "But that doesn't matter. I think she might be the one."

Nephi paused again. "How can she be the one if she's not Mormon? You know you can't marry her in the temple. That means you two can only be married for time, but not for eternity."

Here we go again. You know we all can't be perfect like you. I hope you remember how bad you used to be! I never got that bad.

Tom answered, "I just think this is it. She's beautiful and I can't stop thinking about her. She's very smart, and I think she'll convert. She'd make a great member, and she's already living our principles. All she has to do is look at our beliefs and she'll see the truth and convert."

"Tom, don't fool yourself. You shouldn't marry her and then expect her to change to your liking. Statistics show that one spouse seldom converts to the other's religion in most mixed marriages. In many cases, it can be a source of friction that leads to divorce."

"She'll listen. She's a really nice girl, and I don't see why she wouldn't convert. Would you believe that she even thinks marriages are for eternity? There's only one church that teaches that – ours! She has to convert!"

Nephi warned, "What if she doesn't convert? What if she doesn't listen? You know how the easily the devil can harden the hearts of people. You've been on a mission. Surely, you remember the countless times a golden investigator changed his mind at the last minute. Why should Carolyn be any different? There's a good chance she won't convert, and if she doesn't, you will lose her in the next life."

Why is he being so preachy? What does he know? He's just jealous because he doesn't have a girlfriend!

"I don't agree," said Tom. "If we love each other enough to get married, why would God deny us the opportunity of being together forever, just because we didn't get married in the temple?"

"It doesn't work that way. I think you'd be better off waiting for a nice Mormon girl to come around. It'll save you a lot of trouble with Carolyn, and you'll find someone better. You'll find someone you can have for eternity, and you'll be just as happy, if not happier. That's why I'm waiting. A little patience now translates into an eternity of happiness later."

"But Nephi, we're 29! We're a menace to society! I can't wait any longer for the right Mormon girl to come around. All the girls at church are ugly, weird, or married, and I'm tired of looking around. I'm ready to get married and settle down. There's something missing in my life, and I believe it's Carolyn. I appreciate your concerns, but everything is going to work out just fine."

"If you think so," said Nephi. "I hope things do work out for you."

"If we get married, will you come to the wedding?"

"You know I'll try. Marsh keeps me very busy and they might not let me go. Now, you're not going to marry her just to get me down to see you in Atlanta, are you? You're always welcome to come up here to New York. I could show you around the office."

Tom laughed. "I can't afford to go anywhere near New York, let alone pay for the trip. Besides, I may need to save up for a ring." The phone beeped again.

Nephi could hear the quick pause of silence. "Is that her again?"

"Yeah, I should probably go now."

"Catch you later."

"Will do," Tom said as he clicked the receiver to accept the other call. "Hello?"

Tom heard a familiar beep.

 

"So, are you going to dance or what?" asked Robert rather loudly, trying to be heard over the loud music in the gym.

Tom laughed as he pictured him and his friend standing there in the dark, with the occasional disco light sweeping across them. He answered, "Why aren't you dancing?"

Robert also laughed. "They know me already. They don't want to dance with me."

"Well, I'll dance if you dance with someone."

Robert said, "And I'll dance when some cute chick shows up who hasn't been warned yet. Go on without me."

"But I don't know anyone here. Besides, the music's too loud. It's always too fast or too slow, and I'm never sure how to dance to it."

"Tom, you're never going to get a girlfriend with that attitude! Just go find someone and dance with her. How about that girl in the blue over there? She's got a nice cut."

Tom noticed the girl dancing with five other girls. "It's too much of a cut for me. She's practically wearing lingerie! And she's not particularly attractive in that."

Robert said, "Come on! You're not going to find any Mormon girls here. Go ahead. Knock yourself out. I won't tell anyone at work."

Tom considered it. "I don't know, Bob. Are you sure they want to be disturbed? Look at how they dance with themselves! How am I supposed to break that up? Hey, how about some refreshments? I'm getting hungry."

"Okay," said Robert. "Then you'll dance with someone?"

"I'll think about it."

On the way to the refreshment table, Tom noticed some girls looking at him. They're checking me out. Don't they know I'm a Mormon? If they knew, they wouldn't look at me like that! They're just not my type. Some of them are kind of cute, though.

As he looked around the room, he noticed three girls just entering the gym. The one in the middle had long blonde hair and was wearing a modest dress that showed her figure (well developed), but not much else. When she stepped into the room, she put her hands to her ears as if adjusting to the music. She said something to her friends, but they didn't seem to hear. She looked around the room and when she saw Tom, they locked eyes.

Whoa! thought Tom. What's this? Who is she? Why's she looking at me? Oh no! I'm staring! She sees me staring! There I go again – I'm so stupid! She smiled but then looked away and said something else to her friends. They were laughing. Her eyes are so beautiful. She's sharp – such a cute smile, and everything about her is beautiful. She's an angel. I've never seen anything like her. Did I smile back at her? I probably look so stupid!

Robert said, "Oh, you can forget about those three. They're out of our league. Won't even talk to me at church. It's the worst clique ever formed! All they do is hang out with each other and drive the guys crazy. You'd have better luck with the blue girl. See? She's watching you!"

Tom asked, "Who's the blonde?"

"That's Carolyn. Oh no! She's the worst of the batch. She's the ringleader. She's too good for anyone, if you know what I mean. Worse than a Mormon girl! Doesn't drink, smoke. Rumor has it that she's got impossible standards in a man. She's a bad apple, she is."

Carolyn and her friends kept stealing quick glances in the direction of Tom and Robert. "They're looking at us. What do we do?"

"I don't know. That was some spectacle you put on with all that staring. I'm sure you've given them something to talk about to last them all night."

Carolyn looked at Tom and locked eyes again. Just as before, she looked away as if pretending not to see him. How can I resist those eyes? "I'm going to do it," he said to Robert. "She keeps looking at me. This can't be a fluke. If I don't go ask her now, I'm just going to feel like a total loser and I won't be able to dance with anyone. It's now or never." Besides, what do I have to lose? She's not a Mormon anyway. It's not like this is really going to go anywhere!

"Alright," said Robert. "It's not my funeral. Just remember, blue girl over here would be interested, that is if she's not turned off when Carolyn rejects you."

Tom walked toward Carolyn. The instant Tom left Robert, she reacted immediately with her two friends. They talked amongst themselves with a little more excitement. Okay, that's either good or bad. There's only one way to find out! I can't stop now. Remember, this is just for tonight. This is just for fun. I'm going to dance with the hard-to-get girl. Oh yeah!

As he walked over a slow song started. A slow song? That's perfect! I can dance to that!

Their eyes locked again. She knows I'm coming for her, and there's no avoiding it. It's too late to run! Her two friends backed away as if to get out of the way.

Tom asked Carolyn, "May I have this dance?" Ooh! How cliché! Is that the best I can do?

She answered with a nervous laugh, "Yeah. Sure."

Tom led her to the floor, put one hand around her waist, took her hand with his other, and they danced. Carolyn spoke first. "I'm used to the guys being too scared to ask me to dance. Where did you come from?"

"Who, me? I've always been here." Oh yeah! Let her figure that one out!

She went on. "I mean I've never seen you before. You don't go to this church, do you?"

Why would she notice? Either she likes me, or I'm the biggest dork. She certainly thinks a lot of herself, though. Maybe Robert was right. Then again, if she's a snob, why would she dance with me? "A friend from work invited me."

"Who? Robert?"

Tom looked at his friend, who was standing at the refreshments, flashing an unmistakable thumbs-up. Embarrassed, Tom answered, "Maybe."

She laughed and said condescendingly, "I don't think I would claim him either. How do you put up with his mind always in the gutter?"

We've got to change this subject. We're on dangerous ground. If I give her any reason not to like me, she'll use it against me! "Um, I don't really talk to him that much. How about we talk about something more interesting, like you?"

Carolyn answered, "Or we could talk about you. What church do you go to?"

She's interviewing me! Who does she think she is? Well, she does smell good. "I go to a medium sized church off of Peachtree Industrial near Highway 120."

Carolyn thought for a moment then said, "Oh, I know that church. It's near the Texaco station."

"Yes," said Tom. She's thinking of the black Baptist church near ours. Ha ha! She's trying to figure it out!

"So, do your parents go there, too?"

This could be fun. Tom answered, "Of course. My family's been in that church for four generations."

"Oh!" said Carolyn, clearly surprised. "That's interesting."

During the inevitable awkward silence, he saw Robert kissing his own hand, mouthing to Tom, "Kiss her!"

Tom mouthed back, "No!" Carolyn turned her head, but when she looked at Robert, he was already looking down at his watch, doing a terrible job pretending to be surprised at how late it was. This embarrassed Tom even more.

To break the silence, he asked, "So, what high school did you go to?"

She answered, "Chesterfield High."

"No way! I went to Chattahoochee! We're rivals!"

Carolyn said, "That's for sure. My sophomore year, you guys tore down our goalposts."

Way to go, Tom. Give her more reasons to hate me!

"Well, I didn't do it. I was in the band and we weren't allowed to go to the field because of our instruments."

Carolyn replied, "You marched with the Raging Waters Marching Band? The band with the most honors in the county? You guys were so cool! What instrument did you play?"

Tom answered, "The trumpet."

"I like the trumpet," said Carolyn. "I was a cheerleader myself."

"I never would have guessed," said Tom. "That means that we were probably on the same field together. We could have seen each other and not even realized it."

"I don't know about that," said Carolyn. "I could never forget you!"

The slow song ended and a louder fast song began following a corny joke from the DJ. Tom and Carolyn stopped dancing. Carolyn thanked Tom for the dance and walked away. Tom thought, Wow! I survived! Now I'm ready for anything! Who's next?

Looking around for his next victim (not going to be the blue girl ), he saw Robert standing against the wall. He was laughing and pointing his finger at him. He mouthed, "Denied! "

Tom mouthed back, "Whatever." At least I got to dance with her. That's farther than you'll ever get.

Suddenly, Robert looked guilty and shifty-eyed. What? Tom felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and it was Carolyn. She said something, but he couldn't hear over the music. "What?" he asked.

She got closer. "It's noisy in here, and your friend's obnoxious! Would you like to meet me in the courtyard in five minutes? I can show you the grounds. The gardens are beautiful at this time of year, and you'd enjoy it."

Tom, trying not to show his surprise said, "Sure. Five minutes?"

"Okay," she said. "I'll see you out there, and please don't bring Robert. He bugs me." She went over to her friends, and all three proceeded to the ladies room.

Tom walked quickly to Robert who asked, "What was all that about? Was she chewing you out?"

"No," said Tom. "She wants to meet outside."

"You're kidding me. You da man! I got to get a head start and hide in the bushes!"

Tom said, "On, no! Robert, you can't do that. I don't think she likes you and she's pretty smart. If she catches you in the bushes, that will be the end."

"She doesn't like me?" said Robert feigning surprise. "I told you she's no good! Can't you see she's asking you to choose her over me? She's going to break up our friendship. You should stand her up."

"Robert! That's not going to happen. Listen, you know a third person would cramp my style."

"But I invited you here. Heck, I even picked you up!"

Tom insisted, "You know I'd do the same for you. All I'm asking is fifteen minutes. I promise I'll tell you everything when we go home tonight."

"But what if she takes you home?"

"Then I'll tell you about it at work. Just stay inside for at least fifteen minutes."

Robert laughed devilishly. "Oh I know what's going on. You're going to kiss her, aren't you?"

"No!" said Tom. "She doesn't seem the type!"

"Whatever," he said with a wink. "Just knock yourself out. Don't leave out any details? Okay? Go, tiger!"

"You bet," said Tom.

Then he went to the courtyard. She wasn't there. After awhile he looked up at the clock tower and saw that ten minutes had elapsed. Great. She's standing me up. She's getting back at me! Well, I'm leaving in five minutes.

In two, he heard a soft, "Hi." He noticed immediately how quieter it was in the courtyard. Carolyn's voice was sweet and clear as she spoke softly.

"Wow," said Tom, "I can really hear you now."

"I know. Isn't it great? Here, let me show you my flower garden. I planted it myself." She led Tom to a rectangle of flowers near the clock tower. "This little lot is all mine."

Tom observed, "There are a lot of lilacs in there."

"Yeah," said Carolyn. "They're my favorite."

From their spot, they were looking directly at the chapel. There stood a magnificent stained glass window picturing a haloed Christ standing in the heavens, showing his wounds to the people. The light from the inside was illuminating all colors of the rainbow through the glass.

Carolyn asked, "So what do you think about my church?"

"It's beautiful," said Tom.

"How would it compare to yours?"

"Well," said Tom. What kind of a question is that? Your church doesn't even compare to mine. We have all the truth and you don't. Too bad I can't say that! "Well, my church doesn't have such elaborate stained glass."

Carolyn asked further, "Does your church have a good young adult program like mine? We have weekly meetings, potluck dinners, and service projects. It's really a lot of fun."

Tom asked, "Are you trying to convert me?"

Carolyn laughed. "Not really. Does it matter what church you go to? We're all Christians. There's nothing wrong with trying out other churches."

"I don't know. It matters a lot to my family. Four generations goes a long way."

Carolyn answered, "Well, you're a grown man now. Do you have to stick with tradition? You don't have to go to the same church as your parents. My parents don't always go to this church, but I do."

"You don't understand. I belong in my church as much as you belong in yours." I can see it in her eyes. She's totally confused! She still thinks I'm going to that black Baptist church!

Carolyn responded, "If you don't mind me saying, I'm having a little trouble seeing how you fit in. I think you'd have more fun being with people more like you. You would enjoy our single adult programs, and I know you have a lot to offer to our church. I, for one, would love to have someone around who isn't afraid to ask me out."

Tom insisted, "I really wouldn't belong in your church."

At that moment, an old man with a prominent beard came walking toward them. "Pastor Brown," said Carolyn.

Pastor Brown said with incredulity, "Carolyn, is that you out here?"

"Yes," answered Carolyn innocently and full of self-righteousness. "I'm telling my friend, here, about our church." She turned to Tom and asked, "Oh, what's your name?"

"Thomas," he said. "My name's Tom." He shook hands with the Pastor.

"Good, good," said the old man. "I'm so happy to meet you. Well, you two carry on. Since it's you, Carolyn, I don't have to remind you about the Bible rule." And he walked off.

"The Bible rule?" asked Tom. "What's that?"

"Oh, it's nothing. He says that two younglings should be far enough apart so you could stick a Bible between them."

"Oh," said Tom. These people are weird!

Carolyn asked, "Is he gone? Go look."

He looked around the corner and said, "Yeah, I think so." He then felt a tug at his pants. He turned around to find a guilty-looking Carolyn. Isn't that a little forward for a girl who's "worse than a Mormon"?

"What kind of pants are those?"

"Dockers," he said.

"I like them." She smiled. "Tom. What a name! Is that like 'Doubting Thomas' in the Bible? Are you a doubtful person?"

"At least my name's in the Bible. I don't think Carolyn is."

"So, you know my name!" Again, she smiled.

Returning to the original discussion she asked, "Both of your parents go to the same church? Are you adopted?"

"No!" said Tom. Should I tell her I'm a Mormon? That would end her confusion and this discussion. No, she's cute. I don't want to quit yet. "Actually," he continued, hoping to go off on a tangent, "I don't have a father anymore. He died from an aneurism when I was a teenager."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Carolyn. "Did it happen quickly?"

"Sort of," he answered. "There was no previous warning. It happened one day when he was driving home from work. He wrecked his car in front of several witnesses, so the ambulance got there quickly. He was in a coma for a couple of days, and the doctors thought they could save him. In the end we learned there was just too much damage."

"I'm sorry." She looked as if she didn't know what to say.

Well, Tom, you certainly know how to stop a conversation. Did I really have to tell her about my Dad?

After an awkward silence, she continued, "What do you think? When two people get married, should they be in the same denomination?"

"I think so. It makes life a lot easier. Are both of your parents Presbyterian?"

"No," said Carolyn. "My father is Episcopalian. At first it was hard on them, because the two denominations are so different. They had arguments about which church to go to and how to raise the children. Ultimately, my father decided they would take turns going to each other's church, and we children would choose for ourselves when we grew older. It worked about pretty well in the long run, because ultimately, it doesn't matter what denomination you're in. If two people really love each other, they should go ahead and get married. They can always work out their differences."

"I see, but which church do they get married in?"

She answered, "The wife's church of course. The wife's family has to pay for everything, so they should get married in her church."

"What if the man feels really strongly about getting married in his church?" There's no way I could get married in a Presbyterian church!

"There's always a way to work it out. In the long run, those are details to iron out and decide along the way. As long as they get married, it doesn't really matter which church they marry in."

She continued talking about love, marriage, and her church. After awhile, he found himself listening to the sound of her voice more than to her words. She had a beautiful voice.

But she was so sure of herself. She was trying her best to convince him to go to her church, even though he couldn't quite follow her line of reasoning. She was a very interesting girl, but she had a lot of things to learn. She'll have to learn she isn't always right.

He watched her beautiful lips move and looked into her eyes. I know exactly what she needs. When she paused for an answer from Tom, he said, "Do you know you have the most beautiful eyes?"

Carolyn blushed and smiled nervously. "Why, thank you. That's nice of you, but what does that have to do with the Twelve Apostles?"

"Your lips are beautiful, too." He moved in closer. She tried to back away, but Tom grabbed her by the waist and he pulled her in for a kiss. She didn't fight back, but she seemed a little uncomfortable. I do believe she's looking around to see if anyone's watching!

It might have been a long kiss, but a rustle in the bushes and a barely audible "No way!" caught Carolyn's attention. At that, she violently pushed Tom away.

Tom said out loud, "Robert?"

She slapped him pretty hard and yelled, "What kind of a girl do you think I am? You stupid jerk! You can stay in your own church for all I care!" She ran away crying.

Should I go after her? Boy, did I mess up! Thomas looked angrily toward the bush that rustled. Robert came out slowly and meekly. Before Tom could say something harsh, he felt something in his back pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper folded on itself. He opened it and it said:

"I think you're cute. Carolyn 525-7536."

Tom held up the piece of paper and yelled, "Guess what, Robert? I got her phone number! Yahoo!"

The clock tower bells rang, and Tom felt a horrible headache coming on in the back of his head. With each bell toll, the throbbing pain intensified.

 

The lights were so bright; it hurt to look directly at them. He was standing in the grass, which was greener than any grass he had seen before. How do they get it so green? He felt the wetness of the grass through his white shoes. It was cold, but he was used to it.

There was nothing like the smell of sweat mixed with wet grass on a cold night. Something about it was invigorating. On top of that was the smell of his uniform. He was dressed mostly in blue, with white pin stripes going down each leg. He also wore a hat, which kept sliding down his sweaty forehead.

A whistle blew, and Tom came to attention with his fellow compatriots, lined up against a long white line in the grass. He picked up the cold brass and put it to his lips. The coldness almost hurt as he blew.

The drums drummed and the crowds cheered as the band played the fight song. The crowd sang along. "Rise and shout! The Cougars are out!"

It was halftime. The other team's band had just left the field, and now it was BYU's turn to show their stuff. Times like these were exciting! Especially with such a top-notch marching band. The band director used nothing but the most sophisticated programs, using intricate curves and patterns that looked great on the field. Straight lines and 45-degree angles were high school stuff. Now Tom was with the pros.

It started sprinkling during the middle song, when the band was stationary and the flag corps were marching. It wasn't a hard rain, but it was enough to soak the gloves and make the fingers cold. Water was rolling down Tom's trumpet and into his mouthpiece. Oh no! I remember this day. The most embarrassing day of my life!

Despite the rain, the show went on. They did their finale piece - a medley of John Williams movie themes, which entailed more marching in intricate curves. This year, they had something special planned for this homecoming game. After the end of the piece, a whistle would blow. Everyone would run this way and that, creating the illusion of chaos. But in actuality, the band knew where they had to be when the whistle blew next. Then, the announcer would say, "Give me a 'C'!" A part of the band would form a 'C'. Then the announcer would ask for an 'O' and a 'U', and so on. In the end, it would spell out "COUGARS", and there would be lots of cheering. Unfortunately, that's not quite how it worked out.

When the whistle blew, everyone ran to their places. They all screamed for effect. Tom was about at his spot when he realized he overshot it by five yards. He tried to turn around, but the wet grass didn't agree. His feet kept going. As he fell, he threw up his trumpet. It bounced off of someone's chest, and that guy fell, too. A third guy, a tuba player, slipped on the trumpet, and started falling toward Tom.

The audience was laughing. Oh no! Not again! Tom was lying on his back. To diminish his embarrassment, he regained his composure and sat up, when something came down on him from behind. The blow hit him hard on the back of his head, and it knocked him sideways, his hat falling ahead of him. The tuba player hit the ground behind him with the sound of crushing metal. The crowd wasn't laughing anymore. They were gasping.

Tom tried to get up again, but couldn't seem to do it. He could hear people running toward him, but that was nothing compared to the terrific pain on the back right side of his head. He managed to put his hand to his head and he felt a warm wetness. Looking at his hand, he saw it was covered in blood. Then he realized the drizzling rain falling on his wound, each drop a cold sting. The pain was too much. People were talking to him, but things just went black.

 

Beep....beep....beep....beep. The darkness was lifting. Or was it? People were talking, but he couldn't make anything out. Something was beeping. Someone was touching him and doing things with his body. His head was numb around the wound, but he could still feel the pain as a deep throb.

Someone came into focus – a doctor wearing a mask. "Tom, can you hear me? We need you to stay awake. Can you count to ten for us?"

Sure. 1 ... 2 ... 3 .... He was thinking the numbers, but the words weren't coming out. 4 ... 5 ... 6 .... "You can do it, Tom. Just stay with me." The pain was just too intense. 7 ... 8 .... The darkness was coming back. "We're losing him! Come on, hurry!" They were doing more things to his body. Wait! I can do it.

 

9 ... 11 ... 13 ... 15 ... 17. Here we are. 2117 Taylor Hall. It's almost across the hall from the bathroom. That's good. Tom took the key that Sister B had given him and opened the door. He paused as he saw the light from the setting sun reflecting off of the majestic mountains outside his window. In contrast, he saw behind the mountains a dark thundercloud approaching with lightning and distant thunder. What kind of place is this Utah? This is nothing like Atlanta.

The room itself was barely bigger than his room at home. On each side was an unmade bed, with folded linen underneath the pillows. The bed to the left also had a trashcan on the pillow. Strange. The closets were at the foot of each bed, and one desk started at the head of one bed, along the window, and around to the other bed, making an upside-down "U". In the middle, an air vent separated the desk into two parts. It's kind of a small room for two people, and not much desk space. Oh well, we'll have to make do.

Looks like I get to choose which side I want. He threw his bag on the bed to the left, and he removed the trashcan from the pillow. Tom had some more bags waiting down in the lobby, but he wanted to rest for a moment and watch the lightning behind the mountain. It was a long and tiring day. He said goodbye to his mom and siblings at the airport, knowing that he wouldn't see them again until Christmas. Then he came alone to Utah. A cousin, also going to BYU, and his new wife picked Tom up at the airport. As they drove from Salt Lake City to Provo, Tom was amazed at how slow the mountains moved. They were so big! Now, here he was, alone in Taylor Hall.

Suddenly, through the door Tom left open, someone entered, pulling some big speakers behind him. Without looking at Tom, he said, "Oh, I'm glad you're here so I didn't have to open the door." He had medium long hair and was wearing an army coat and funky sunglasses. Glancing at Tom he said, "No, no, no. I already claimed that side. Didn't you see the trash can?"

Tom was confused. "You put that trash can there? That doesn't count. You're supposed to put your bag there or something you own."

The roommate scoffed. "Well, I do own that trash can while I'm living here. I can't stand getting up on the wrong side of the bed, so if you don't mind, I'd really like that side."

"Fine," said Tom. I don't care. He moved his bag over. What are the chances of me ending up with a jerk like this?

As if realizing they were setting off on the wrong foot, the roommate extended his hand and cordially said, "You must be Thomas." Tom took his hand and shook, still not knowing what to expect.

"You know," said the roommate, "I really thought you were going to be black. I mean you're from Georgia, Thomas is a Bible name, and your last name certainly sounds black. I was really looking forward to rooming with a black Mormon."

"Sorry to disappoint you," said Tom. "You certainly don't look like a Nephi!"

"Don't call me that!"

The intensity surprised Tom. Backing up a little, he asked, "Isn't that your name? You are Nephi, right?"

"That's my first name, but I don't go by it. I don't know why my parents ever wanted to call me that. They might as well put a big sign on my forehead that says, 'I WAS BORN IN UTAH!' Just because you're a Mormon doesn't mean you have to give your children Book of Mormon names! Geesh!

"I never use my first name, because no one outside the Church can say it right. You know how they pronounce it? NEF-FEE! I get so tired telling people it rhymes with Nehi soda!

"Oh, and then I get the Church members that think I'm some great do-gooder. They don't realize I'm not that prophet in the Book of Mormon. I'm not the good son who always does what his father asks him to! Just take my advice, and never name any of your kids Nephi. Oh, and if you ever think of naming any of your kids Mahonri Moriancumr, you're totally out of your mind!"

Thomas didn't want to argue the point. "So, what should I call you?"

"I go by my middle name. Jack's the name," he answered, extending his hands to shake again.

This time, Thomas didn't take the hand. Instead, he said, "Um, we already shook hands."

Jack awkwardly dropped his hand and said, "Okay, then." He turned and grabbed his sound system from outside the door. It was sitting on a hand truck. Where did he get one of those? Where's he going to store it? Maybe he's borrowing it. I just hope he doesn't keep it here!

As he set it up, he said, "Listen. Do you mind if I put this speaker over here on your desk? You see, if I put one over there on my desk, and one over here on yours, we would have a great stereo sound in here!"

Tom answered, "Aren't those speakers a little too big? Did you get the guidelines that were sent home to us? I don't think those are allowed."

"Nonsense," said Jack. "My brother used these speakers when he lived here, and they never gave him flack. It's okay. So, can I put one on your desk?"

"There's not enough room to work as it is. I don't want it in my way."

"I'll put it in the far corner. You won't need that desk space! What do you think?"

I think I could put my books there!

"Whatever," said Tom.

Jack put a speaker in the far corner of each desk and ran wires from each to a console, which he placed on the floor in front of the air vent. Tom watched in disbelief. What kind of roommate is this? He can't be serious!

When he was finished, Jack pulled a folded magazine from his inside coat pocket and threw it to Tom. "Have you seen this yet? It's the latest Swimsuit edition. It's 48 pages of the most babe-alicious action you've ever seen."

Tom threw the magazine back. "I can't look at that!"

"Come on! What's wrong with you?" asked Jack, who was still wearing his sunglasses. He looked genuinely surprised. Then with a sense of realization he said, "Oh I get it. You're gay!"

"What?! I'm a Mormon. I can't be gay!"

"Come on, now. Fess up. Being a Mormon doesn't mean you can't be gay. I hear there's an underground gay organization right here at BYU. I know it's against the code of honor, but I understand. You are what you are, and you can't change that. You don't want to be sent home. But I'll also have you know, I won't room with a gay dude. I want to be able to sleep at night."

Tom answered, "I'm not gay!" Can I change my roommate?

"Oh," said Jack, "Then you're one of those outsider conservative Mormons? I've always heard you guys are a little strange. You're not used to the Utah culture. Well, that's cool. But if you change your mind, I'll just leave this magazine right here on my desk. Whenever you want, just be my guest."

"I'll think about it," said Tom. Just what I need! More temptation in our room.

Jack pulled another magazine from his coat pocket and threw it down on Tom's desk. "Perhaps this will meet your fancy."

Tom was afraid to look, but curiosity got the best of him, and he didn't want to be rude. In relief, he realized it was a puzzle book. GAMES Magazine? What is that?

"Go ahead, take a look."

Tom suppressed a laugh when he saw the name 'Nephi' on the mailing label. Getting past that, he looked inside and saw crossword puzzles, riddles, and math games. Battleships? Paint by Numbers? Flower crossword puzzles? This is geeky stuff! He doesn't look the type!

"So, what do you think?"

"Um, very interesting. I've never seen these before. Do you really like this stuff?"

Jack answered, "Well, I am a math major! Puzzles like these really help me think. They put all things in the proper perspective. Games are also a great way to learn. You should give it a try."

Returning the magazine to Jack, he said, "I'll think about it. Math's not my thing."

"What's your major, anyways?"

"I don't know yet. I'm just happy to get into BYU."

"Well," said Jack. "If you don't know where you're going in life, you're never going to get there, now are you?"

Thomas didn't know how to take this lecture. With the sunglasses still on, and the long hair and that silly jacket, Jack didn't really look like the kind of person you'd want to get life advice from. Yet, there was a strange aura of seriousness around the guy. There's something in there. Underneath the jerk is a real person waiting to come out. He just needs to know who he really is.

Signaling the end of the discussion, Jack walked out the door. "I've got some more stuff downstairs. Could you help me grab it?"

Tom answered, "I've got my own stuff to get from downstairs."

"Well then, we can go down together." He put his arm around Tom. "You know what? All you need is to loosen up a little. You're too tight! Listen, everything's going to work out alright."

 

"Let's try this again. You can do it. Here comes another one. You can take another turn."

Tom answered, "But it's your turn. Why do I have to do two in a row?"

"Now, come on, Elder. You need more practice. Here comes someone. Make it good."

"But..."

"No time to argue. This could be a golden contact! Don't let him go!"

With book in hand, Tom approached the man walking toward them and said, "Annyong ha-shimnikka? Che-ga wegukin son-gyosa i-go chokum iyagi hal-su-isumnikka?"

The man tried to ignore Tom, but his culture dictated that he had to say something. "Me no speaky any English," and he kept on walking.

Tom's companion signaled for him to keep on going. Reluctantly, he approached the man from behind, holding out a Book of Mormon. "I chek, Mol-mon Kyong-ul sunmullo pat-ulgessumnikka?"

This seemed to irritate the man. He walked faster and didn't turn around.

Tom returned to his companion empty-handed.

"Well, you tried," said the companion. "At least you got him to say something."

"Yeah, but he never even acknowledged I was speaking his language. Couldn't he hear me speaking Korean? Am I really that bad?"

"Don't worry about it. It's just an excuse – just like how they keep saying they're Buddhist, when we know they aren't."

Tom said, "Why won't these people listen? Why don't they give this a chance? Was that guy really so busy that he couldn't take a free Book of Mormon?"

"Elder", said his companion. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing good. Don't forget; we baptized three people so far this month. That's great! We also handed out over 20 Books of Mormons so far this week. We're planting seeds. Those who are ready will listen. Remember; it's not our job to convince everyone. We only need to find those who are ready to listen and teach them the gospel."

"Yeah, I guess so. It just gets so aggravating at times. Why can't God put a glow around the ones who are ready so we don't have to waste time talking to all the others?"

"Well, if it were that easy then everyone would be a missionary!" They both laughed. "Have you forgotten how you first got Kang Gi Su's attention just by saying hi to him at the store? You baptized him not even a week ago. Stop being so hard on yourself!"

 

Kang Gi Su was dressed in white. There he is, all because I introduced myself to him at the store. I must have been inspired to do so. How did this all happen? At first he didn't know what to say to us wegukin missionaries, but he gave us his name card and set up a time to meet at his place. He read us English poetry, and fed us dinner. We had such a fun time. We taught him more English. He would take us out to eat sut-pul-kalbi. Then one day he decided to ask us more about the church. We taught him the six discussions in two weeks and now he's getting baptized. What a golden contact. Not only is he getting baptized, but he's also going to be a friend for life. And he asked me to baptize him!

Gi Su stepped in the water and gave Tom a friendly pat on the shoulder.

He's so happy. He knows he's making the right decisions today. He's so grateful we met, and so am I.

Tom positioned Gi Su for optimal immersion and held up his right hand to the square as he performed the baptism. "Kang Gi Su..."

 

The water came up higher on Tom's body, and his hand wasn't to the square. It was a taller man who was holding him and saying the prayer. Tom was just a child. "...Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." Tom's father lowered his hand and as he got ready to immerse his son into the water, time came to a standstill.

Tom looked into his father's eyes. They were so kind. It had been years since he had seen them. Father, don't you know how much we missed you? When you left, there was an emptiness that was never filled again. I wish you could see me now. Did you know I got married? I have a little girl, too. She's such an angel. I wish you could be with us now.

Mom never did remarry. She said she couldn't find another man just like you. She's stopped trying. There's something else I want to tell you, but I can't remember what it is.

Can't you come back? It's not too late to save yourself. Go see a doctor about your head. If only you knew it was coming, you could have stopped it. Then you could be with us and watch how we've grown.

His father only smiled back.

Of course you can't hear me. I'm only dreaming and I'm not really here. But if I could warn you, I would. You know I would.

His father's face was beaming. Though his lips didn't move, Tom could hear speaking. His voice was gentle and clear. "I am so proud of you, my son. You have done well. You've made all the right decisions, and all in the right order. Remember this day always. Nothing could ever happen in the future that can undo what's happening today. Remember it always."

I will, Dad. I will always remember this day, and I will always remember you. No father had ever done as much as you had for his family. Tom saw his mother watching from outside the baptismal font. She was young, and she was crying with joy.

Time unfroze, and Tom was immersed in the water. But Dad! I've left the church. Why did I ever leave? What good is this baptism? This is no good! I've failed my church, and I've failed you, Dad! Stop! He was completely immersed in water and it was dark. He couldn't breathe and the world closing in on him. Get me out of here!

 

Yet, everything seemed familiar. Though he couldn't breath, he was still getting air. It was dark, but not a terrible darkness. Being immersed in water, the world sounded different, yet familiar. He could hear something like voices, but he couldn't understand any of them. He also thought he heard something like a church bell, ringing over and over again.

After awhile, he found himself calming down. The darkness, the floating in the water, and the strange sounds were quite soothing. He floated awhile in pampered comfort for what seemed to be an eternity, when something happened.

The water around him receded and there was a terrific pain at his crown. All of a sudden, the sounds were clearer. He could hear distinct consonants and vowels, but still couldn't understand them. The church bells turned into a persistent beeping sound. And he also heard someone screaming in pain.

The pain at his head soon encompassed his whole body, and the pain did not stop until there was a bright light. Something lifted him up and there was freedom and new breath. All the pain was gone.

He opened his eyes and saw a doctor, who looked worried. Tom turned around and saw the person lying on the bed – a man wearing an oxygen mask. He recognized him immediately.

This must be the day that my father died. They're operating on his head.

To the right, the heart monitor was showing a flat line, humming a continuous tone.

"I don't understand," said one of the doctors. "We did everything by the book. His vital signs were great. Where did we go wrong?"

The brain surgeon said, "Save it for post-op! We've got five minutes to get his heart going again. Hurry!"

Come on. You can do it! Bring him back! Tom watched as they used the defibrillator. The body convulsed and the heart monitor blipped twice, then went dead again.

Who am I kidding? This isn't going to work. Nothing's going to change. My father's going to die. Why must I watch this? What's the purpose of this dream? Is God telling me I have to go back to church? That wouldn't make Carolyn happy at all. What am I doing in here anyways? I was in the waiting room when this happened, not here!

Tom noticed he was flying above the doctors. This gets weirder and weirder. When does this end? If I can fly, can go through walls?

Tom picked a wall and sure enough, he could go through. He was flying in the hall, now, where hospital staff were walking around, shuffling papers, reading books, and joking with each other. Great! My father's in there dying, and all you can do is joke out here! Don't you know what's going on in there? He flew up to one nurse's face and she didn't even flinch.

Okay, nobody can see me, and now I'm in total control of my dream. What do I do now? Go back in that room and save my father? How do I do that? Can I will his heart to start beating on its own?

What's the use? He's going to die, no matter what I do. I can't change the past. When I wake up, my dad will still be dead. No matter how much control I have in my dreams, I can't change what I know deep in my heart.

There must be some reason for this dream. What is it telling me? Here I am, reliving different scenes in my life. But why these scenes? What do they have in common? What am I supposed to learn?

Perhaps the answer lies in the waiting room. That's where I am, now, with my mom. But why don't I see myself already in there? Am I supposed to see something along the way? Now, which way is that waiting room?

Tom flew down the halls, trying to remember where the room was, but something didn't seem right. Wait a minute! This is the wrong hospital! Isn't this Northside, where Carolyn had Angela? I've got this all wrong! This isn't a sad day, but a joyous day!

Let's see. They wouldn't let me in, because it was a C-section. Now I understand! This gives me an opportunity to witness it with my own eyes. Can I really see this through my dream? I don't know, but I want to be there when it happens.

Now knowing he was in Northside, it was easier finding his way around. He searched through the operating rooms, and found one by one that they were empty. There was the one he originally came out of, but he didn't want to go in there again perchance to see his father was still in there. But what if that's the room Carolyn is in? What if I misunderstood what I was seeing? Carolyn wasn't dying on the operating table, was she? At least I don't think she was. Surely they would have told me. Maybe I saw it wrong. They were operating on her stomach and not her head. Maybe I'm just too preoccupied with my father. I've just got to look in there again. I don't want to miss anything. He hesitated. But I can't. I just know my father is going to be in there.

I'll go to the waiting room, first. I'll see what I'm supposed to see. Then I'll come back. He went down the hall, through a series of double doors and over to the waiting room.

He tried opening the door but then remembered he wasn't really there. He went through. Carolyn? He saw her sitting in a chair facing away from the door, holding and rocking a sleeping three-year-old Angela. She was crying and running her fingers through Angela's hair. Carolyn, what are you doing here?

She turned her head and looked up at Tom, but did not see him. "God, is that you?" A new tear came out and ran down her cheek. "Why are you doing this to me?" Her tears turned into sobbing as she held her daughter tighter. Angela stirred a little, sniffed a couple of times, but did not fully awaken. Angela, you've been crying, too. What's going on? Where am I? Shouldn't I be here, too? What kind of a nightmare is this?

Wait! There's something else. Something's missing. I can't remember what I was doing before I went to sleep. Why am I drawing a blank? What's the last thing I remember?

The swing set! Angela was swinging on her own. She was so happy. I was happy. I was chasing her into the house. But that was such a long time ago. I tripped and fell, but something else happened.

I kept having those headaches. I ignored them because I could always take something for the pain. Carolyn said I needed to see the doctor, but I told her it was just allergies. If I went, the doctor would put me on Allegra and I didn't want to depend on drugs everyday for the rest of my life. The headaches got more severe, but that made sense because it was spring and the pollen count was off the charts.

It was hot that day. Angela and I were having fun. Carolyn was still at work. When we ran back to the house, I just got too hot. I didn't trip. I just got dizzy. Everything blacked out and I was on the ground. There's more, but it doesn't make any sense. There was pain like I never felt before, and it never went away. That's all I remember – pain and that beeping noise. Now the pain is gone.

Now I'm gone. I'm dying.

But it can't be! I can't leave Carolyn behind! She shouldn't have to raise Angela alone! How long has it been? I have to go back!

Tom left the room. Before going out the door, he took one last look at his wife and child. Now, don't you cry. I'm coming back. Just hang tight.

As fast as he could, Tom flew back to the operating room. The brain surgeon was still trying to revive the body. He was pushing as hard as he could against Tom's chest. The assistants were just watching. What are they doing? Have they given up hope? Someone put his hand on the surgeon's shoulder and softly said, "We've done all we can. He's dead. It's been nine minutes already. He's not coming back."

The doctor froze, apparently struggling. He finally backed away, throwing his mask on the floor. "This man should not have died! I finished the operation successfully! By all means, he should be alive! He's so young with a family to support. His wife is six months pregnant, and he never knew. Now I have to go in there and tell her that he's dead – all because I couldn't get his heart started! Go ahead – pronounce him dead. May God have mercy on us all!" He then left the room.

Wait! Here I am! Don't leave yet! Tom floated to his body and tried to get inside, but couldn't seem to do it. No wait! Come back! It's just my body that is dead. My spirit's here, and I'm willing to go back in my body. Use that defibrillator on me! Give me just two heartbeats and I can get back in my body. Just try one more time. I thought it was my father. I didn't know it was me. If I had known, I would have stayed in my body. Why did I have to spend so long flying all over the hospital? How could I have been so stupid?

The remaining doctors cleaned up and were turning off equipment, entirely ignoring Tom's presence.

Come on! Just one last time! My wife's pregnant! I have to be there for her and the family. Just two heartbeats! Please! Can't you hear me?

They took his oxygen mask, and Tom saw the lifelessness in his face. What can I do? Is it hopeless?

Behind and above him, the light was getting brighter. The sounds in the room were fading. He turned to look, and he saw a tunnel of light growing, approaching him rapidly. No! You can't have me yet! He tried to move and to look away but it was no use. The light was beautiful and he found himself drawn to it. It grew until it entirely overcame him. Then he was moving through the tunnel.

He heard voices. It was a heavenly choir singing something familiar. Isn't that a symphony? Berlioz? No, Dvorak. It's from the New World Symphony, only it's not the instruments. The second movement - "Going Home" sung in eight-part harmony. I have never heard anything so beautiful. Going home. Going home. I'm just going home. It's not far, just close by, through an open door. The music filled his soul with joy.

But I don't want to go home. All I can see is Carolyn holding Angela in that room. I can't leave her. I'm not supposed to die. The doctor fixed me. It was a mistake! I was just out of my body for too long. All I have to do is return, and my body will be as good as new. I can be with my family again.

Tom continued through the tunnel. He tried to turn around and go back the other way, but couldn't do so. Then again, part of him didn't want to go back. He was free from pain. But I'd gladly take on all that pain again just to be with Carolyn again! That pain was nothing compared to what she's going to have to go through!

Up ahead, the tunnel was coming to an end. It opened to a field of healthy green grass and flowers of every color in the rainbow. How do they get it so green? As he neared the end, he realized his feet were moving. I don't understand. I don't have feet! How is this possible?

At the tunnel's ridge, he stopped. He felt the whole length of light behind him, and he knew that one more step would close the tunnel. Then there would be no going back.

He turned to look down the tunnel he had just gone through. As he turned, the green field turned as it should, but the tunnel always remained behind him. Is there no way back? He stood there at a loss of what to do, not wanting to take that last step and lose his way home forever. The path to Carolyn lies behind me. The way to a new life lies ahead. If I can't go to her, and if I can't leave her, what can I do?

As he stood, watching the field of grass, he noticed the field changing in his peripheral vision. If he looked one way and then back, the hills and flower patterns were different. However, nothing changed if he looked directly at it.

While marveling at this strange landscape, he saw a figure approaching. When he recognized him, Tom wanted to run to him, but he remembered Carolyn and kept his ground. Father! Is it really you?

The apparition came to Tom, face to face. His father looked exactly as he remembered him, only his image shone brightly, and he was wearing white clothes. Or at least he appeared to be. "Son!" he said. "It's so good to see you! Why are you standing there?"

"Dad, I'm not ready for this. I'm not supposed to be dead. There's been a mistake!"

"God doesn't make mistakes. This is where you belong now. Your time has come."

"But Dad, why now? We were so happy together. How can I leave Carolyn and my family? Why would God want me here when my place is with my family?"

"Thomas, I know exactly how you feel. Do you think I wanted to leave you when God took me? I pleaded to be sent back, but it wasn't meant to be. It was just my time to go on."

"But Dad, I'm much younger than you were. Surely it can't be time for me!"

Tom's father was always gentle and loving. "I also thought I was too young to die, but don't young children die everyday? No one is too young to die."

"My body's okay now!" Thomas insisted. "The surgeon fixed my brain. If I could only get back in my body, I could live again and be with Carolyn. I want to grow old with her. Then I'll be ready to die, but not now. If I could just get back down this tunnel, I could figure out how to get back in my body."

His father showed a sense of realization. "Tunnel? Oh, I see. You haven't yet fully emerged from the veil. You're standing at the very edge, aren't you?"

"Yes. Can't you see it? It's behind me as clear as day."

"Only you can see it. It's your veil. It's the only thing keeping you from seeing the spiritual world."

"So Dad, can I go back down this veil? Once I cross over, there's no going back, is there?"

His father answered, "You're right, there is no going back. Once you emerge, your eyes will be fully opened, and you will lose all connection with your former body."

"Is this heaven?"

"You could call it that."

"Then I made it, didn't I?"

"Of course, Son. Like I told you already, you have done well. You've made all the right decisions."

"And they let Mormons like you into heaven?"

His father laughed, "They let a lot of people in here. You'd be surprised. There are a lot of your relatives and friends up here. They're waiting to see you. If you come with me, I'll take you to them."

Tom wanted to go, but he hesitated again. "I just can't leave Carolyn. I've got to go back."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure about anything. If there's anyway possible to get back to my body, I couldn't live with the fact that I didn't try. I can't let my family down. Heaven can wait. I'll be back."

After a brief pause, Tom's father answered, "You do realize that if you go back, you will not be able to see the spiritual world. You will not be able to see me."

"I know, but I'll come back later. It's just not my time."

"Alright," said his father. "I don't know how you can get back to your body, but I'll tell you how to go back down the tunnel. All you have to do is to simply walk backwards until you get to the other side. If it doesn't work out, come back. I'll still be here, waiting for you."

"Thanks, Dad. When I get back, is there anything you want me to tell Mom? I'm sure she'll believe I saw you."

His father smiled. "You can tell her I love her and I'm watching her. I visit her often. Tell her that there's an afterlife and we'll be together again."

"Thanks, I'll tell her. I suppose I should hurry. Goodbye, Dad."

"Goodbye."

Tom waved to his father as he walked backwards through the veil. The field of grass became a smaller circle, and eventually, it and his father disappeared. His spirit still had a strong desire to walk forward – to remain free of pain and explore the new world waiting for him; but his love for Carolyn was stronger, driving him to walk backward.

Before he could return to the operating room, he heard a familiar voice. "Thomas, where are you going, my son?" It wasn't his father, but he knew the voice. "Are you lost?" He felt drawn to this voice. He found himself walking forward again, and the field of grass was quickly returning. There, another man stood at the edge of the tunnel. Tom recognized him immediately.

"Jesus?"

"Here am I," said Jesus. He held out his arms, inviting embrace. But to do so, Tom would have had to cross the veil. He was thrilled to know that his Lord existed and was standing before him, but he still couldn't leave Carolyn.

"My Lord, must I die now?"

"I know your thoughts."

"She needs me. You can send me back. You can restore my body and reunite us."

"Your faith is strong, but you are not to return to your body. I have need of you here."

Jesus, himself, was telling Thomas he couldn't go back. Then there really is no hope. His first reaction was anger, but looking at his Creator, he couldn't argue with him. Then came despair. Does Jesus really know what I desire? He knows what will happen to Carolyn if I die. Doesn't he? He knows everything, but why does he need me here? What could I possibly say to get him to send me back?

"Carolyn is strong," continued Jesus. "She will miss you, but her needs will be met. I know you cannot fully understand now, but the time will come when you will understand everything. Then you will know that this was the right time for you to pass on."

Still, Tom hesitated.

Jesus held out his hand to Tom. "You have done well, my good and faithful servant. Now I call you. Will you come?"

Tom looked at his outstretched hand. Throughout my life, you have always been there. You have always listened to my prayers, and have given me answers. You have always led me in the right directions and have never let me down. Now you are asking me to make the hardest decision I have ever made. Once you asked me to give up my religion to have Carolyn. Now you are asking me to leave Carolyn, herself, for whatever purpose I cannot know at this time. After a lifetime of always being there for me, would you let me down at this, my greatest time of need? I don't think so. You are Jesus, and you know what is best for me and for Carolyn. You, above all else, I can trust.

Tom grabbed Jesus' hand and took the last step that closed the veil behind him, and any chance of returning to Carolyn was now gone.

Having finally let go, Tom embraced his Lord and wept. Perhaps he should have been surprised to actually feel Jesus' body, but it all seemed natural. All that mattered was that Jesus was here, and his embrace was comforting – as if letting Tom know that everything would be all right.

Jesus was also weeping, and suddenly, Thomas knew he had made the right decision. He knew it was time to move on to his next life.

Looking at Jesus' hands, he noticed that there were no marks. "My Lord, where are your marks?"

"You know who I am without having to see them."

"Now that I'm here, what would you have me do?"

"In time, you will learn," said Jesus as he smiled at Tom. "As for now, someone is waiting for you."

Tom turned around and saw his father. He said, "I told you I would be waiting for you. Come, your family awaits."

Tom said goodbye to Jesus and went with his father. I really did it. I've made it into heaven. There really is a Jesus and a heaven, and I'm with my father again. Carolyn, I'll be waiting for you. I'm sorry I had to leave you, but one day you will come through the veil. And when you do, I'll be here. I promise.

 

Continue to Chapter 2