The Silver Lining

 

(2^nd Draft)

 

by Mel-o-rama

 

Chapter 2

 

“If You Could Hie to Kolob”

 

On the way to meeting his relatives, Thomas walked with his father among the ever-changing field of grass and flowers. He felt the usual up and down motion of walking, but then again, it didn’t seem real. He also had a hard time discerning whether they were going uphill or downhill, or was it just going straight? It was something he would have to get used to.

He asked, “What’s up with all this grass and flowers, and why does it keep changing?”

“Oh, what you see isn’t really there. In the spirit world, you see what you want. Our spirits hold on to the memories we had in our physical state.”

“What about you? What do you see?”

“The same as you: flowers. It’s a typical serene landscape we all relate to.”

Thomas asked further, “Does it do any more than this? After awhile, doesn’t this get boring?”

His father laughed. “No, not at all. There’s much more to heaven than this surreal landscape. You’ll see for yourself soon enough. Also, you can change your surroundings to be whatever you wish.”

“Well, considering where we are, I would’ve expected a field of stars, or even clouds.”

“Yes, some prefer stars, but it’s a little hard to walk in space. Most of us prefer something hard beneath our feet.”

“That’s another thing! How can we be walking? We don’t have bodies! We’re dead!” Thomas insisted.

“You’ll come to understand. You have plenty of time to figure it out. But for now, we have arrived. Look!”

They came across a gathering of spirits. Tom recognized one of them immediately – his great-grandfather. He looked exactly as Tom remembered – his hair gray and receding; yet he appeared strong and invigorated. He was the one who first converted to the Mormon Church. Then every one of his descendants followed suit. Well, that is except for Tom, who left the Church a few years prior.

Here stood the man who started it all. Tom had watched this man grow old and weak in his mortality. But now he stood proud and sure.

“Tahpah! It’s so good to see you!” said Tom. They embraced. Even though there was no physical body to hold, he could still feel the love he always felt when he hugged his Tahpah.

“Look at how much you’ve grown!” said Tahpah. “Do you know I’ve been watching you? You’ve done pretty well for yourself.”

Tom laughed. “Oh yeah? You must know I still have all your National Geographic’s. Or at least I did before I came here.”

“Oh, I know. I also know that you hardly looked at any of them.”

“I always thought I would have time later. I was always so busy!”

Tahpah answered, “Well, now you have all the time in the world. Most importantly, you found your way here. Well done!”

Tom’s father introduced a younger looking spirit. “Do you know who this is?”

“No, but he looks familiar.”

The spirit answered, “Jasper’s the name.” It was Tahpah’s great-grandfather.

“Jasper!” said Tom with realization. “We searched all over Dahlonega to find your tombstone. We were doing our genealogy and looking for clues about your ancestors.”

“Oh yes, I remember,” said Jasper. “I was there with you. I worked hard trying to lead you in the right direction. You found what you were looking for, didn’t you?”

“I think I did. We couldn’t be entirely certain.”

“You found it. I made certain for you.”

Tom asked, “Why aren’t you old like Tahpah?”

“For one thing, don’t forget – I was never old. I died in the Civil War. Also, as spirits, we are all the same age. Hasn’t you father taught you anything?”

“I don’t understand.”

Tahpah said, “Perhaps this will help. I’ll show you what he means.”

Tom couldn’t believe his eyes. Before him, Tahpah’s image transformed into a young man in his prime. “As you can see,” he said, “we control how we appear.”

“How did you do that?”

Tahpah explained, “You’ll find that most of us like to walk around in our mid twenties. We often find ourselves changing depending on who we are talking to. It happens naturally. Give it some time, and you’ll be doing it, too. Once you let go of the form you died with, you’ll be able to change at will.”

Tom certainly didn’t feel like changing. The pain of leaving his wife was still strong, and despite the assurances he had received, he still wanted to go back. Yes, it will be awhile before I can become something different.

This reunion went on and on for hours. He met more of his ancestors, many of whom were just a name on a piece of paper, but now they were real people with real stories to tell. There were yet other relatives he never knew, because they were lost relatives Tom was never able to find.

All this time, Tom realized that he never got tired. Had this been a reunion among the living, he might have lost interest after meeting the first five relatives. Then he would possibly mix up who everyone was and what they said. Evidently in heaven, this was not so. Tom wanted to learn more. He wanted to know all about these people. After all, he owed his very existence to them.

After Tom thought he had met them all, his father said, “Tom, there’s just one more person for you to meet. We saved him for last.”

“Alright, who is it? Where is he?” Who could this possibly be? Everyone else I know is still alive! Well, almost everyone.

“He’s standing behind you.”

Tom turned around, and before him stood an all-too-familiar face, smiling widely, yet with sadness in his eyes. At first, Tom stood in disbelief as he beheld someone who didn’t belong. But then, it all made sense.

“Nephi?” He embraced his old friend and for the second time in heaven, he wept. “It looks like they got you too! Only the good die young. Isn’t that what they say?”

Nephi answered, “In our case, it’s true. Isn’t it?”

“They never found your body. Diana called to tell me about it. I tried to comfort her, saying you were probably in a hospital with amnesia or something, but she knew right away. There was no way to know for sure, but I guess she was right.”

“Yes, I suppose so. She was never one to hold on to false hope. However, as you can see, though we may be dead, we are still alive.” He waved his arms around.

“I don’t think you can tell that to your wife. You’re dead to her, you know.”

“For now she can’t see me, but one day we’ll be reunited. Then we’ll both be alive together.”

Tom said, “You should have seen Carolyn. I never saw her so broken. She has one child and another on the way. What is she going to do without me? I’m never going to see her again, am I?”

“Oh, you’ll see her again. I assure you of that. I’ll show you how you can. As for Carolyn, don’t worry about her. She’ll learn to cope. Like my wife, she’ll learn to live without you. Somehow, …”

“Wait a minute,” interrupted Tom. He was suddenly excited about the prospect of seeing his wife again. “Did I hear you correctly? You’ll show me how to see Carolyn? I don’t understand.”

Nephi laughed and said, “All in due time! There’s a lot for you to learn.”

Thomas laughed in return. “You almost sound like my teacher.”

“Oh, didn’t they tell you? I’m going to be your trainer!”

“Really?” Tom was happy about this news, but the more he thought about it, the more he was confused. “What exactly does that mean? What are you training me on?”

“Like your father said, you’re in heaven. You’re an angel, and I get to show you how it all works.”

“Show me how what works?”

“You’ll see,” said Nephi. “We’ve got a lot of ground to cover. Are you ready?”

“I guess so. What about my family here?” He pointed to his newly found ancestors.

“They’ll be okay. You’ll see them later.”

Thomas’ family said collectively, “Go on. Have fun. We’ll see you later.” Then they dispersed every which way and disappeared one by one. Tom couldn’t follow where or even how they went.

“Come this way,” said Nephi as they walked through the ever-changing field of grass and flowers.

“Well,” said Thomas. “I never would have imagined this scene – you and I walking together in heaven. I always thought we would live forever. I pictured myself growing old with my wife. Plus, I never really thought I’d see you again.”

“Life can be that way. You never know what’s going to happen.”

“I never told you why I lost touch.”

“You didn’t have to,” said Nephi. “I knew why. You stopped returning my phone calls, and then I heard what happened. I was sad to hear it, but we all have to do what we have to do.”

“I did it for Carolyn. She wasn’t happy. It was either her or my church, and I just loved her too much.”

“So I heard, but did you have to avoid me like that? After everything you did for me, it hurt to lose such a great friend like you.”

Tom felt a tinge of guilt. “I didn’t mean to ditch you like that, but you were part of the whole thing. You were my Mormon friend, and Carolyn wouldn’t have accepted you. You were one of those forces that kept me being a Mormon. At first, she was nice to you, but she began hating you, as things got worse, especially when she found out you tried to talk me out of marrying her. My transformation had to be complete, and that’s why I avoided you.”

“I understand. We can be friends now, right?”

“Sure,” Tom said happily. “The funny thing is that it in the end, it didn’t matter anyway.”

“I suppose so. It’s ironic, indeed.”

“Yeah, it turns out that Mormonism isn’t true after all.”

Nephi stopped dead in his tracks – clearly surprised. “Interesting. What makes you say that?”

Tom wasn’t sure how to take this. “Well, for starters, I made it into heaven. Also, there were quite a few relatives back there who weren’t Mormon.”

“Some of them had their temple work done, remember?”

“Yeah, but not all. There were even some relatives I never heard of before today. There’s no way they could all be Mormon! Wait a minute. Are you telling me that Mormonism really is true?”

“What do you think? What does your heart tell you?” asked Nephi.

“I don’t know what to think! You’re my trainer, so you ought to know.”

“Would you believe me if I told you the truth?”

“Considering you have a couple of years on me up here, I’d strongly consider what you have to say,” answered Tom.

“Your questions will be answered in due time. There’s no need to rush.”

“But Mormonism can’t be true! God told me himself.”

“He did?” Nephi asked as if he didn’t believe him.

“Yes, when I prayed about what to do with Carolyn. He told me to leave the Church.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. I was there. I heard his voice loud and clear. He showed me that if I didn’t leave, Carolyn would have left me. If it weren’t true, why would he tell me to leave the Church?”

Nephi started walking again. “Here, let’s keep going as we work this out. Did you really leave the Church?”

“You know I did. I had my name removed from the records. I was rebaptized as a Presbyterian. Plus, you know I broke off all contact with Mormons.”

“I see. But did you leave the Church in your heart? You went through the motions, but did you take up smoking and drinking and gambling and the like? Did you do anything that deviated from the teachings of our church?”

“Well …” Tom was momentarily speechless.

“Ah ha! You didn’t really apostatize, did you?”

Tom answered finally, “I don’t understand where you’re going with this. I learned a lot of good growing up in the Church. That was how I was raised. There was no reason for me to change the principles I followed, just because I left.”

“When some people leave, they go out with a bang. They feel free to do the things they never could before. Then they mess up their lives. You didn’t do that. You kept on being a good Mormon, though not in name.”

“Okay, I think I’m starting to understand. Are you trying to tell me that up here I’m still a Mormon? Is that how I got into heaven?”

“In a way, but you’re looking at this all wrong,” said Nephi, sounding as if he was entering teacher mode. “You’re still thinking like a mortal. There are no Mormons, and there are no Presbyterians.”

“Alright, so there are no Mormons or Presbyterians in heaven. You’re telling me we’re all the same up here?”

“Not just here, but on earth as well. There are no Mormons, Presbyterians, Catholics, Methodists, Baptists, whatever else.”

“You’re confusing me,” said Thomas.

“Didn’t you say it, yourself? We’re all the same. We’re all humans. Can you tell the difference between a Mormon and a Catholic, just from looking at them?”

“Well, if you study them long enough, you can tell.”

“But not from the outward appearance,” Nephi tried to explain.

“If one’s carrying a Book of Mormon, I’d bet that guy’s a Mormon!”

“You’re talking about actions and apparent choices one makes, but still on the inside …”

Thomas interrupted, “If a guy’s covered in tattoos and earrings, he’s probably not a Mormon!”

Nephi looked offended, as he stopped walking again. “Hey, that’s not true! Anyone tattoo-laden person can convert to any religion. You were my roommate for nine months. You know I have a tattoo, or at least I used to have one. When you helped me come around, that tattoo didn’t go away. It was always a reminder of the mistakes I made in life – never to do again. But you can’t look at someone and say he’s not a Mormon just because he has a tattoo.”

Thomas was silent, so Nephi continued, “The point is, on the inside, we’re all the same race. We are what we are. Everything is what it is. Truth is truth, and this is all independent of what we believe. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Let’s see. I can think better while I’m walking. Let’s keep going. I said that truth is truth. That means that no matter what I believe, I can’t possibly change the truth. Take God, for example. Does he exist? It’s a simple yes and no answer.”

Thomas joked, “Well, it seems to me he exists, now.”

“Yes, but what if everyone in the world decided to believe he didn’t exist? Would God disappear?”

“I suppose not, but I bet he’d be pretty angry. He might start laying down the Law, if you know what I mean.”

Nephi showed minor irritation, but pushed forward. “The point is, God exists. Any belief system that holds that he doesn’t exist is just plain wrong.”

“I should say so!”

“Will you cut that out? You’re missing the point.”

“Oh, sorry,” apologized Tom.

“There are many belief systems and many religions that are in conflict with each other. There’s just no way that they can all be correct. One religion says God has a body. Another says he doesn’t. One religion says he’s a man. Another says God is some life force without form. One religion says we’re saved by works. Another says we’re saved by grace. Which religion most closely matches truth?”

“Hey, that’s Joseph Smith’s question!”

“Yes,” said Nephi. “It turns out that every religion has truth.”

“That’s not what God told Joseph.”

“Hold your horses – I’m getting there. Most religions are built on good, common principles. They teach us to be nice to each other, and to be considerate and become holy, and so on. That’s one level of truth. Then you have all those religions that believe in the God of Abraham, Jacob, and Moses. That’s another layer of truth that not all religions accept. On top of that, you have the religions that believe Jesus is the Son of God – yet another layer of truth. God created the situation in this world in which everyone can enjoy the amount of truth they’re willing to accept.”

“I’ve never heard this before,” said Thomas.

“Just listen. If someone wants to believe in the God of Moses, but refuses to accept the divinity of Christ, then there’s a religion for him. He can enjoy the fruits that come with believing the truth of God.”

“Yes, but wouldn’t he be better off believing in Jesus as well?”

Nephi answered, “You tell me. Is he in error believing in God?”

“I guess not, but he wouldn’t be getting the whole picture.”

“Is he even looking to get the whole picture? Chances are that he’s probably going about dealing with all the different intricacies of life. These days, who has time to pursue truth? But until he does, he’s accepted the amount of truth he chooses to accept.”

“Then what good is it to have an all-true Church – if we only need to accept a tiny portion?” asked Tom.

“It would be for those who are ready to accept all truth. That’s why God revealed so much to Joseph Smith, so we could all learn.”

“Okay, so Mormonism is that one Church that contains all truth.”

Nephi clarified, “Well, I wouldn’t say we have all the truth, because there are many things yet to be revealed. In this way we’re similar to other religions. We all have truth, and we all do not have all the truth. In the grand scheme, we’re all in the same boat. We each, individually, have to learn truth for ourselves. There is no Mormonism up here – just truth. Do you see what I’m trying to tell you?”

Thomas thought about it for a moment as they continued strolling. Finally, he said, “No. I think you’ve thoroughly confused me. I think you’re trying to tell me Mormonism is true, but don’t call it Mormonism.”

Nephi slapped his forehead and rolled his eyes. “Why don’t I just show you? Perhaps you’ll have a better understanding with a little bit more perspective.”

“Where are we going, anyways?

Nephi answered, “Why, we’re going to see God himself!”

“Oh, we’re going to see the Father! Can we get to him by walking? I don’t think we’re making any progress here. At least I don’t see any great thrones in the distance.”

“No,” answered Nephi. “We can’t walk there. He lives thousands of light-years away from here.”

“Then,” asked Tom, “why have we been walking all this time?”

“I was just waiting for you to ask me where we were going.”

“You are one sick puppy!” said Tom. “I should have known this was one of your games! But seriously, how do we get there?”

“In the twinkling of an eye, of course. I’ll show you how it’s done. You’ll learn in heaven, there are two ways to travel. You can walk, and you can twinkle. Twinkling instantly takes you anywhere you can imagine.”

Tom asked, “Does that include traveling thousands of light-years instantly? That’s going faster than the speed of light!”

“Yes, it’s like the snap of a finger, but it’s not really going faster than the speed of light,” said Nephi. “I can explain later, but luckily you don’t need to understand it to do it. I can’t tell you how it works, and you can’t follow me, so I’m going to have to connect with you.”

“Connect? What does that mean?”

“You’ve seen Star Trek, right? It’s kind of like the Vulcan mind-meld. Once connected, we can communicate with each other directly with our thoughts.”

“Sounds interesting,” said Tom.

“Once I show you how to do this, you’ll have the knowledge and the coordinates, and you’ll be able to go by yourself at any time. But I must impress on you not to show this to just anyone, unless otherwise instructed to do so. Not everyone is able to go where we’re going.”

“Okay,” said Tom, a little confused.

Nephi instructed Tom, “Alright, now grab my hand and I’ll make the connection.”

It didn’t take long before he felt Nephi reaching out with his spirit. How’s he doing this? Then there it was – an unexplainable connection.

“Hey,” said Tom. “I can almost hear your thoughts.”

Nephi answered, “You can hear whatever thoughts I allow you to hear. Same with you, I can only hear what you allow me to hear. We are in complete control of the connection.”

He heard the words, but then realized that he couldn’t tell if Nephi mouthed the words or said them in his mind.

Nephi continued, “Now, see this? This is how you get there.”

Tom couldn’t actually see what Nephi was doing, but he understood. Before he knew, he was full of the knowledge of how to get where they were going, and it all made sense. If only I had known this before! I could have done this at any time.

“Okay,” said Nephi. “Here we go.” Nephi drove the way, in a sense, and Tom followed, using his newfound knowledge. In an instant, the green fields disappeared, replaced by a great city.

There was brilliance everywhere. The streets were paved with pure gold. The buildings were made entirely of large precious gems of all kinds and colors – none of which were perfectly opaque, so Tom could see through them to a degree. In between the buildings and roads, plazas and sidewalks stretched out – made of marble, onyx, and other precious stones. Decorative plant-like crystals grew everywhere, and they even appeared to be alive. Beyond the plazas were fields of grass-like crystals that moved in the wind, creating a soft crystalline rustle. These stretched out as far as Tom could see until it met mountains, which were made of some shiny material, though it was too far for him to make out.

The sun was a brilliant light reflecting and refracting through the gems, making wonderful patterns of light. Tom wondered if human eyes could behold this scene without being blinded. Even as a spirit, he could feel the brilliance as warmth.

“Welcome to Kolob,” said Nephi.

Tom was too much taken aback to answer. Never before had he imagined something as glorious as what he saw now. Everywhere, he saw spirits going every which way. Many of them were heading toward a great source of light behind some buildings a couple of blocks away.

Finally Tom said, “The buildings don’t change in the corner of my eye.”

“They shouldn’t,” answered Nephi. “They’re real. This place is in the physical realm.”

“But how can such a place like this exist? Some of the crystals appear to be alive. That just can’t be.”

“Oh, but they are alive,” responded Nephi. “Everything you see here is real.”

“Real? Is that real gold and real gems? How much would all this be worth?”

“That depends. What is worth? Everything is great is the eyes of God. We all have great worth. Even the tiniest speck of matter is great. But I shouldn’t need to tell you that this is not monetary worth we’re talking about. Money has no meaning here. In heaven, there is nothing but beauty.” Nephi waved his arm to everything around them. “Have you ever seen anything as beautiful as this?”

Tom looked around some more. “No. This is remarkable!”

Nephi pointed out a building. It looked like an upside down oblong cone with its tip chopped off – made entirely of garnet and amethyst in an interesting combination of red and blue patterns. Inside, people were moving around.

“That’s a place of learning - one of many on this planet,” said Nephi. “But this one’s special since it overlooks the plaza God frequents.”

“Interesting,” remarked Tom. “But what could you possibly learn in heaven?”

“Anything and everything. Math, Science, Music, Religion. You name it; we learn it up here. Earth History is particularly interesting, because there you learn what really happened, not just what the history books say. Frequently, the real people come to tell how they died and such. It’s eye opening.”

“It sounds interesting,” said Tom. “But why learn all that stuff? It had its place on earth, but why here?”

Nephi answered, “All knowledge is for our own good. Any knowledge we obtain helps us to understand how everything fits together. Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you cease to learn. Of course, you can choose not to learn up here, but that would be your own undoing. That’s not you. I know you. In fact, I went ahead and signed you up for a beginner’s course starting next week in that very building. You’re going to enjoy the experience.”

“You can’t be serious!” joked Thomas. “I died so I could go back to school? Are you sure this isn’t Hell?”

Nephi laughed. “It’s not quite the same school you know. The classes are much more interesting, and there isn’t really any homework or final exams to take. The learning process goes much faster up here and our minds are much more capable of retaining knowledge now that we’re not bogged down by mortal brains.”

“If you say so. It wouldn’t hurt to go. I don’t have anything else to do. By the way, when did you have time to sign me up for a class?”

“A couple of days ago,” answered Nephi.

“I see. A couple of days … wait a minute! How could you know? I wasn’t dead yet!”

“I had three day’s notice so I could prepare for your training.”

“You really knew?” asked Tom.

“Of course,” answered Nephi. “All our days are numbered. No one dies prematurely or too late. Your father knew a few months ago when you first went into your coma. He didn’t know the exact date, but he was told that you would never come out of it.”

“Wow! You knew, and my father knew. What about my other relatives? Did they know?”

“Yes, most of them knew, but not necessarily all.”

Tom responded, “I was the last to find out? That’s not really fair.”

“Well, you’re not supposed to know you’re about to die if you’re still alive.”

“Why not?”

“What would you do with that knowledge?” said Nephi. “Do you really want to know when you’re going to die?”

“A little heads up would have been a little helpful.”

“I don’t think so. I know you. If you knew what was coming, you’d try to stop it, wouldn’t you?”

“Well,” Tom insisted. “I would hope that I have a say in things. I didn’t want to die. I still don’t want to die! But now it’s too late. If I knew beforehand, I could have stopped it. I could have hung on to my body long enough for the doctors to get my heart going again.”

“You see?” said a triumphant Nephi. “Nobody wants to die. You just told me yourself. That’s why you can’t know beforehand.”

Then came an awkward silence. He did it again! He tricked me in my words. Evidently, he can still do that in heaven. And also, it appears we can get angry in heaven. What gives?

In the silence there was distant music coming from the brilliant light behind the buildings. Nephi spoke as if to change the subject, “I suppose you want to see where all the light’s coming from.”

“It’s God, isn’t it?”

“You catch on quickly. Come, let’s go.”

If the city was beautiful when they stood motionless, it was even more beautiful as they walked. With the changing vantage points, the patterns of light changed constantly. Any single radiant point could move through the several colors of the rainbow. Or it could move along a building going with or opposite their direction of travel, especially with the brilliant light source behind the buildings. It was a previously unimaginable kaleidoscope. Could I ever tire of this?

As they approached the light, the music became louder. Tom thought he recognized the tune, but not quite. It was familiar, yet different. Rounding a building, they came in full view of the great source of light. It was God sitting on his throne, emitting a light brighter than the noonday sun. He emanated goodness that Tom recognized as the feeling he received whenever his prayers were answered. A part of Tom resonated as if his spirit were recognizing its Creator.

Yet, despite all his glory, God was a normal sized man in appearance. He wasn’t towering over his worshippers, demanding praise and undeviating devotion. Rather, he was a loving God – a father reaching out to his children.

He was on his throne, listening intently to the music of a heavenly choir singing a prepared piece of music while someone directed. It’s a concert, and God is listening!

As if noting the new arrival, God looked in Tom’s direction. Then these words came softly into his mind, “This is my work and my glory - to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” It was a Mormon scripture. What does that mean? Did God say that to me, or did I imagine it? Did his lips move?

Oblivious to Tom’s communion with God, Nephi intruded, “Look over at the choir and tell me what you see.”

Tom looked and didn’t notice anything special at first. There were no instruments, but all voices. The performance was practically flawless and full of musical expression. “I’m not sure what you want me to see.”

Nephi answered, “Look more closely at the person directing the music.”

Tom did as he suggested. Am I supposed to recognize the man? He was facing away. He had abnormally curly hair, or at least he chose to appear that way. Then the man turned slightly, and the profile was unmistakable. “It can’t be!”

“It is,” said Nephi. “It’s Beethoven. They’re performing one of his new symphonic works for heavenly choir.”

Tom joked, “And I thought he had been decomposing all this time.”

“Now you can see he didn’t stop working at death. He can hear again (in a roundabout way), so he’s excited about composing. Now, there’s no stopping him. There’s no more pain, no more tiredness, well – you get the picture. In heaven, you still get to do the things you used to do enjoying.”

“Really?”

“Sure? Would you like to see the next part?”

Tom answered, “Actually I’d like to listen to this music. It’s really quite interesting.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Nephi. “We can continue later.”

The music went on for at least another couple of hours. Tom never got bored, as the music held his attention indefinitely. God looked continually interested and sometimes even moved by the music. How powerful is this music that it even moves God!

When the music came to a conclusion, there was a general noise of praise. In humility, Beethoven turned to God and smiled. God was pleased.

“That was amazing, wasn’t it?” Despite the commotion, Tom could hear Nephi speak to him as clear as day. He still couldn’t figure out how they could hear without ears.

“Sure, this whole place is amazing. I could stay here forever.”

“You can come back here anytime you wish, now that you know how to get here. But there is much work to be done. Come with me. We must talk a little more,” said Nephi.

Tom didn’t really want to leave. He was drawn to God, but at the same time, it wasn’t a codependency that demanded his full attention. He found that he could leave God in comfort. Tom was still his own agent.

As they walked, Nephi said, “Before we leave, do you notice how God is different from us?”

Tom looked at God and all the different spirits gathered around him. “He looks like one of us, but he’s much more glorious. He definitely shines much more than we do.”

“Anything else?” asked Nephi. “Look at your hand and look at mine.”

“Okay, we’ve got hands and so does God.”

“Hold your hand in front of your face and look at me.”

Tom did so. Through his hand, he could see the image of Nephi. “I can see you,” he said. “I can see through my own spirit!”

“Now look at God. Can you see the spirits standing behind him?”

He looked. “I can’t see through him!”

“That’s because he has a body. You are looking at God in his true form.”

“Well, I’ll be!” exclaimed Tom. “At least that’s consistent with Mormon doctrine!”

“That’s not all. Look at the other angels. Every once and awhile, you’ll see someone with a real body.”

“Are those the ones who rose out of their graves after Jesus had risen?” asked Tom.

“Yes,” answered Nephi. “You’re pretty observant. Eventually we will all be resurrected and our spirits will reunite with our original bodies. As you remember from Sunday School, we have a dual nature. Half of us is spirit, and half is body. The spirit can exist without the body, but the body can’t live without the spirit. On the other hand the spirit can’t be entirely whole without the body. When we are resurrected, we will become whole again.”

“Considering the pain I was feeling, I’m not sure if I want to be reunited with my body. I’m feeling fine as I am, now.”

“Give it time. Soon enough you’ll wish you had your body back. You’ll long to be reunited. While we’re on the subject, you should understand now the relationship between mortals and angels. Can you tell me what it is?” asked Nephi.

They walked through an opening of one of the buildings at an edge of the city. Tom looked up at the towering building above and around them, the sunlight shining through it. Ahead of them lay a large field of the grass-like crystals swaying back and forth – reflecting tiny flashes of rainbows, like a sparkling field of undisturbed snow in the sunlight. A golden road led off into the distance toward the distant mountains.

Finally Thomas answered, “I know what Mormon doctrine teaches about angels.”

“And what is that?”

As if answering a pat answer in church, Tom answered, “First, when God created our spirits, we were angels. When he created the earth and placed us on it, we were mortals. When we die and our spirits leave the body, we are angels again.”

“And when we are resurrected …?”

“We become immortal.”

“Yes,” proclaimed Nephi. “Angels and mortals are one and the same – yet two different manifestations of the same thing.”

“Intriguing, but there is one small flaw.”

“What do you mean?”

Tom pointed out, “If we existed as spirits before we were born, why can’t I remember any of it?”

Nephi answered, “I wouldn’t call that a flaw. Do you remember that veil you crossed when you died?”

“Yes, sure.”

“While you were on earth, the spiritual world was invisible to you, but when you crossed that veil, you could see it all.”

“Okay,” said Tom. “That still doesn’t answer the question. Now that we’ve crossed over, why can’t I remember anything before birth? Wasn’t that in the spiritual world as well?”

“Yes, but there is second veil that hasn’t been lifted to us yet. It veils us from our preexistent life. It’ll be lifted when we are resurrected and receive final judgment. Then we will remember all.”

“Wow, a second veil? I’ve never heard of that before. What a convenient explanation!”

Nephi laughed patiently. “As you can see, there’s sarcasm in heaven.”

“Are you really sure this is heaven?” asked Tom.

Ignoring Tom, Nephi smiled and walked into the large grass crystal field. Tom followed and noticed that the grass didn’t move under their feet – another testament of their non-corporeal state.

“See those mountains in the distance?” asked Nephi.

“It looks like glass!”

“Not glass – diamond. They’re made of pure refined carbon. Catch me if you can.” Nephi ran through the field. Tom followed, amazed at how fast they could go. Yet, the running was effortless.

As Tom almost caught up, Nephi went into overdrive. In a matter of seconds, he was so far that Tom could hardly see him. How does he do that? Tom ran faster, and in no time he was matching his speed.

They were now running so fast it was difficult to distinguish individual blades of grass. The mountains were also quickly approaching. They were a translucent brown. As Tom gained on Nephi, they came across a golden road running parallel to the mountain range. When the pursuer held out his arm to tag the pursued, Nephi laughed and lifted himself into the air.

Tom clenched his fist at him. “How are you doing that?!”

Nephi was flying around and over his head. “You just do it. We’re spirits and we’re not bound to gravity. Come up here. The air is fine!”

Following his advice, Tom took a few running steps and jumped. Instead of returning to the ground, he soared upwards. With arms extended he flew like an airplane. Looking down, he felt nervous, but then remembered there was no need to fear. He was already dead! Nephi cheered, and Tom went back to the pursuit. He’s not getting away from me!

Tom flew as fast as he could toward Nephi, but he was faster. He just kept on going. This could go on forever, couldn’t it? Suddenly, Nephi shot straight upwards like a rocket.

This is ridiculous! Is there no limit? Nephi was a small speck above him. This is hopeless. Still, I’m not going to let him get away. If he doesn’t see what’s coming, I can go faster. Tom pushed upward with all his might. He slowed down a little when the planet’s atmosphere was thinning and turning black. Realizing again he was already dead, he went back to pushing forward. Spirits don’t breathe, and Nephi’s not getting away!

Suddenly, Nephi stopped and laughed while Tom kept on going past him. Why that jerk! He’s playing with me again. I’ll show him. He turned around and made as if to tag Nephi, who simply held out his hand and said, “Look,” pointing down.

Tom looked down on the whole planet of Kolob. It was an almost opaque gigantic glass sphere. Behind it the sun barely shone through. No way! It’s all one big gem!

Nephi proclaimed, “Behold the Celestial Kingdom! This planet has been through the refiner’s fire and is reborn into a Celestial state. Just like this, our earth will be transformed into a new earth after the Millennium.”

Tom was speechless.

“Do you still think we’re in Hell? Come, let’s go back down.”

They descended on the planet, landing on a mountain summit. In the distance was the city they had left. Further beyond that there were other cities. Each of them shone with brilliance, even from such a distance.

“As I said before,” said Nephi, “this is part of the Celestial Kingdom. Its glory is like the glory of the sun. This is the highest Kingdom anyone can obtain in heaven. It’s reserved for those who have accepted the Gospel and have lived valiantly according to Gospel principles. This is where little children go if they die before the age of accountability. The reward here is Eternal Life, and being able to live in the presence of God forever. Do you remember how I told you some can’t come here?”

“Yes, I remember. Why is that?”

“They wouldn’t be able to withstand the glory. The lower Kingdoms, the Terrestrial and the Telestial have their own place, but not here. Here, they would experience great pain.”

“I don’t seem to have any trouble being here,” Tom pointed out.

“I see you haven’t figured it out yet.”

“What?”

“Look around,” said Nephi, motioning with his hands. “Where are you?”

“The Celestial Kingdom.”

“And how did you get here? …”

In the pause that followed, Tom finally figured it out. “Oh! I made it!”

“Yes! You figured it out!”

“I made it to the Celestial Kingdom! I don’t get it. What did I do right?”

“Let’s see. How’s your Sunday School? Tell me who goes to the Terrestrial Kingdom.”

Thomas answered, “Um, it’s for those who didn’t accept the full Gospel, but they were still good people; and also those who did accept the Gospel, but weren’t valiant in their actions.”

“Yes, their glory is like that of the moon, and though they’re not worthy to live in the presence of the Father, they will live forever with the Son, Jesus Christ. What about the Telestial Kingdom?”

“Let’s see. It’s most everyone else. Those are the ones who rejected the Gospel completely. Or they’re liars, adulterers, or those who lived to eat, drink, and be merry.”

“Yes,” Nephi responded. “A lot of good-intentioned people go there, having made wrong decisions, satisfying selfish needs while not thinking of others. They will live forever in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Finally, tell me about Outer Darkness.”

“Those are the really evil ones. That’s where the one-third that followed Satan live, plus those that choose later to follow him. They deny the Holy Spirit entirely and have no conscience.”

“They have no glory at all. Now tell me, where do you fit in there?”

“I would have supposed the Terrestrial Kingdom,” answered Thomas. “After all, after I accepted the full Gospel, I left. Wasn’t that rejecting it?”

“Evidently not in your heart. You were still valiant in your actions, as you so put it.”

“I guess so,” said Tom. “However, I had many friends who were really good people, and they were atheists. Is it fair to deny them all this? Just because they poorly choose how to believe?”

“If they’re really good people like you say, then their actions will do well for them. Nothing’s set in stone until the Final Judgment when we are resurrected. Your friends will have another chance. Once they die and see that their spirits live on, they may seriously reconsider.

“Besides, the Telestial Kingdom isn’t such a terrible place. It’s glorious. That field of flowers you keep seeing is a lot like a Telestial world. Think of earth in a paradisiacal state. That’s what it’s like. The Terrestrial Kingdom is something more glorious, but not so much as what you see here at Kolob. It’s only Outer Darkness where they experience no beauty.”

“I don’t know,” said Tom. “I would like my friends to see this place. They’d be awestruck. Isn’t it cliquey to refuse this to them? The Telestial Kingdom is nothing compared to this.”

“You’re missing the point. Everyone will have their fair chance, and they will go exactly where they need to go, and not only just because God wills it. God doesn’t respect certain people over others, and we must all earn our reward.”

“Okay. I really appreciate this sermon on the mount, but if I’m already in the Celestial Kingdom, why are you telling me all this?”

Nephi answered, “Mainly because you’re not finished. You remember how the Celestial Kingdom itself is divided into three groups.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“This planet is part of the lowest of those levels. At least the surface is. Anyone who has accepted the Gospel and has lived valiantly or small children who died can all come here. In order to enter the second level, you need to be baptized through proper authority.”

“In other words,” said Tom, “you need to be a Mormon.”

“You could put it that way,” answered Nephi. “To reach the highest level in the Celestial Kingdom, you need to have been most valiant. Those who make it to that level will be able to live within the suns themselves.”

“Wow! I’d like to see that. Is that where we’re going next?”

“If we could, I’d take you, but unfortunately, you cannot go there.”

“Oh, I see,” said Tom with realization. “I’m not in the highest level.”

“I’m sorry. I tried to tell you nicely, but what you said is true.”

“Well, that’s great. Whatever I did right, I did something wrong as well! What can I do? Am I at least in the middle level?”

“Yes,” answered Nephi. “You’re in there. Your baptism is still valid.”

“Well, that sucks! I came this close to the top. What did I do wrong? What level are you in?”

“I don’t know if I want to answer that just yet.”

“You’re in the highest level, aren’t you? Otherwise, you’d tell me straight out. Well, that beats all. At BYU, I was the one who helped you turn your life around. I was the righteous one back then, and now you’re the one in the highest level of the Celestial Kingdom!”

“It’s not too late for you. You can still make it.”

Thomas answered, “I just don’t get it. What did you do that I didn’t do? What more can I do?” He was surprised at how angry he felt. I’m actually getting angry in heaven?

“Do you really want an answer now? We could do this later. But think about it. There’s only one thing keeping you from the highest level.”

Tom knew the answer, but he didn’t want to acknowledge it. “You’re talking about Carolyn, aren’t you?” Memories of countless discussions came to mind. He was always warning me not to marry that girl.

“Yes,” said Nephi. “When you married Carolyn, you put yourself at risk.”

“There it is! I knew it! You were right, and I was wrong! I knew you’d say, ‘I told you so!’”

“I’m not saying that! I’m just telling this for your own good. You need to know what it takes to make it into the highest level. Marriage is the only thing you lack.”

“But I am married!” insisted Tom.

Nephi corrected, “You were married, but no more. That was till death-do-you-part.”

“Oh, so your marriage is valid, and mine’s not?”

“Diana and I had a celestial marriage in the temple. We were sealed together for all eternity. You weren’t sealed to Carolyn. That makes all the difference in the world.”

“I beg to differ,” said Tom.

“It’ll take time to understand. I can explain more later. I just wanted to help you see the big picture, so you’ll know where you’re going.”

“Big picture?! Why are you trying to talk to me about the big picture?! I’m the one who just died! I was happy. I had a life. I had a wife and a child to love, and they loved me. I didn’t choose to die. God took me and I didn’t want to go. I don’t care about the big picture!”

Nephi was silent for a while, as if realizing he went a little too far with his lecture. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to anger you. We can talk about this again later. Would you like to see her?”

Carolyn? Do I want to see her again? Of course I do. I never wanted to leave her. Last time I saw her, she was in the waiting room. I didn’t get to say goodbye. I thought I could get back into my body, but then the tunnel of light came. Then I was sure I’d never see her again. “Sure,” he said out loud, “How can I do that?”

“First you’ll have to connect to me. You get to drive this time. Give me your hand. Now, reach out with your spirit until you can feel my thoughts.”

“How do I do that?” asked Tom.

“You just do it. Reach out until you can feel my spirit.”

Tom did so. Somehow, it felt natural. “Okay,” said Tom. “I think I’ve done it.”

“Yes. Now think of home. Desire to be there. You know exactly where it is. Go there.”

“Hey it’s just like the Wizard of Oz!”

“Yes, I hear you: There’s no place like home. Now, go there.”

Tom thought about being with Carolyn again. There was so much joy in that house. So much happened there. If only I could return and live with her again. In the twinkling of an eye, the diamond mountain below them disappeared along with the distant city, replaced by Tom’s former bedroom. The bed was made and both pillows were neatly in place. On the floor next to his side of the bed lay a pile of clothes he usually left just lying there. Despite the neat freak she is, she can’t bring herself to pick up my clothes. I thought she hated them on the floor.

Tom heard voices coming from downstairs. “It’s Carolyn,” he said. “She’s downstairs!”

On the way, Tom stopped to look in Angela’s room. “Look, she’s taking a nap. She looks so peaceful.” He bent down to give her a kiss on the forehead. Feeling nothing, he remembered he was a spirit unable to touch anything. “I miss you,” he said to her, but she didn’t stir.

Tom and Nephi went downstairs. In the kitchen, Carolyn was talking to her mother on the phone. She was still crying, but she looked beautiful. Now that Tom knew, he noticed the little bulge in her tummy. She always made a cute pregnant girl. He ran to her saying, “Carolyn! I’m here,” but she didn’t acknowledge him.

“She can’t hear you,” said Nephi.

“You sure? That day I died, I called out her name, and she looked at me.”

“I could have been a coincidence. But if it was quiet and she was in tune, she may have sensed your presence, but she wouldn’t know it was you. She hasn’t crossed the veil, so you’re practically invisible to her,” Nephi explained.

Something caught the corner of Tom’s eye outside the kitchen window. When he looked he saw nothing out of the ordinary. Strange. Did something just change over there?

“...I can’t believe the nerve of her – threatening not to come like that. Who does she think she is? ...”

Tom said, “It’s Carolyn’s mother. I can hear her over the phone loud and clear. How’s that possible?”

“Don’t forget. You’re not listening with mortal ears.”

“Don’t worry,” said Carolyn. “They’ll be there. This is going to be a Presbyterian funeral. I’m the wife and I get to choose. Besides, we’re both went to the same church. It doesn’t make sense to have the funeral somewhere else. You know how these things go. At the last minute she’ll do a 180 and decide to come after all.”

“Actually,” said her mother. “I’d rather she didn’t come, to tell you the truth.”

“Mother!”

There it was again. There was something outside the kitchen window, but when Tom looked, it was gone. Tom felt a little uncomfortable.

“What is it?” asked Nephi.

“I don’t know. Is the scenery supposed to change in the periphery like it does in the spirit world?”

“No. This place is real.”

“I think there might be something out there.”

“Oh that!” said Nephi. “You’ll get used to that. It’s probably another spirit who’s just roaming around. He’s probably just curious.”

“Why does he keep hiding from me?” asked Tom.

“He probably doesn’t want to be seen, especially if he doesn’t belong here.”

“Still, something doesn’t feel quite right.” Tom saw it again. This time he rushed toward and through the kitchen window. He saw a figure running around the corner of the house. Shivers shot through his spirit. “What do you want?!” yelled Tom. “Stay away!”

Nephi brought Tom back into the house. “Like I said, you’ll get used to it.”

“Whoever that is, he has no business here! Can’t these spirits mind their own business?”

“Don’t forget, there are many spirits in heaven – even more than there are living mortals. You’re going to find spirits everywhere. You just wait, one day you’ll find yourself walking in somebody else’s house. Then you’ll be that spirit you just yelled at.”

“We’ll see about that,” said Tom.

Nephi said, “Listen, that’s all I got for you today. You had a good first day of training. As spirits, we don’t get physically tired, and we don’t sleep, but still we need rest. We can still get spiritually tired.”

“Now that you mention it, I think I’m felling tired. If we don’t sleep, how do we rest?”

“There are several things you can do. You can always go to Kolob and see God with all the praising. You can come here and be with your loved ones. You can converse with your family members who are already passed away. You can fly out in space, go to the moon and relax there. You can always remove yourself from everyone and undergo meditation, or you can just sit and think about whatever comes to mind. You can do whatever it takes to relax your spirit. I’m tired myself and I’m going to go do some personal meditation. You’re free to do whatever you wish.”

Tom looked at his wife. A fresh tear rolled down her cheek as she talked with her mom. She’s torturing her. Why doesn’t she leave her alone? She doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He said to Nephi, “I think I’ll just stay here for awhile.”

“Okay, I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. If you’re up to it, you have an assignment that you can begin tomorrow. It’ll be your first assignment as an angel.”

“I can’t wait,” said Tom even though he didn’t mean it. Nephi left, leaving Tom alone with his wife.

Finally, the phone conversation came to an end. When it did, Carolyn dropped the phone on the floor, and she buried her face into her arms on the kitchen table as she sobbed. Tom was unsure what to do. He tried stroking her hair, or at least he went through the motions. She couldn’t feel it, but it seemed to calm her a small bit.

“Don’t cry,” he said to her. “I’m here. I will always be here with you. Don’t cry.”

 

Continue to Chapter 3